Defrost my heart

Chapter 36

Jin's POV
I was really done with my feelings. Sophia was not well because of me. And now she's taking out all that anger on Rose. I liked Sophia, no doubt about it, but my heart ... my heart clearly loved Rose.
Even though I didn't want it myself, I just couldn't stop it. Dean was right; I was letting Rose down.

I just couldn't... I would like to be near her, but I know how hard it is for her. She didn't admit it, but she thought a lot about it because of my feelings. And it made me even more upset when she had to worry about me, too.

Sighing, I rolled over on my bed. I had been isolated for days, from everyone. I just needed time; Time to think about what to do with myself.
Dean left me alone, we shared a room, but still, he respected my wishes.

Rose and Dean were probably already on their way to school, I would like to go with them, but my feelings just weren't ready yet. I couldn't face Rose.

''Jin," the door opened, and I jumped up, startled.
''Oh! Dad, I thought you were already at work."
My stepfather stood in front of the door and looked at me with a smile.

''I'm going to work a little later today," he explained, closing the door and coming towards me.
He sat down next to me, on my bed, ''I have noticed that something is going on with you for a long time. And now in the last few days especially strongly," he sighed and then looked at me encouragingly, "I can imagine what it is. Actually, I was hoping that you would come and talk to me, but I can picture that it's hard for you," he put his hand on my shoulder.
''Yeah, it's been pretty intense, everything that's happened in the last few months. I hope it will end when Mister Howards finally catches the killer."

I closed my eyes. Somehow I felt like crying, but I didn't want to; I just didn't want to.

''Even if he gets caught, it won't change much," his voice was soothing, but his words confused me... because I had these very words in my mind right now; it wouldn't change anything if Tim got caught. Because my feelings remained. But still... I opened my eyes and looked at him questioningly.

''Jin, you don't have to hide it. I know what's going on. I don't live behind the moon. I see it when you look at Rose. When you talk to her. Or when others talk about her," he paused for a moment, then continued, "I know it... you love her, but not like a sister."

My heart stopped. I could already feel any color wiping from my face.
"T-T-T," I stuttered out.

I started to panic. I wanted to explain to him what was going on and deny it, above all, apologize. But my panic disappeared when he pulled me closer and hugged me.
"Please don't beat yourself up."
He patted me reassuringly on my back.  Oh God, I'm breaking the family because of my stupid feelings.

"It's okay, don't be so shocked. I'm afraid I'm a bit perceptive, and I observe a lot. I just learned that because of Rose," he apologized, "But to be honest, I'm happy to recognize a lot of things," he confessed, "Because then I can intervene."

I fell silent; did he want to prevent my love for Rose?
"I can help. I see how much you're beating yourself up, how you're getting sadder day by day. I, as a father, can't stand that. It hurts me to see you like this... There's no shame in being in love. Especially not with a beautiful woman," he joked.

But that first sentence.
That sentence.
That broke the ice- The tears came out.

''I don't want to break our family," I sobbed.
''You won't break it," he assured.
I clung to him, ''I love you all so much. I don't want to lose you."

He stopped tapping on my back. Instead, he surrounded me with his arms, by his embrace ..... by the fact that he was simply with me ..... I felt safe; And loved by my father.