✨ Oneshots ✨

It's A Hard Life - Maylor

Um, so I might have too many 90s angst ideas, is that bad?
TW: mentions of depression, mentions of death and depressed thoughts.
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1992

Brian was feeling—well, devastated. Too much was going wrong in his life, so many tragedies. 

Two deaths, nearly losing his kids through divorce, etcetera, etcetera. His solo album was finally out, though, so he supposed that might be good. 

But a lot of the songs on that album were to get his feelings out, though taken with a pinch of salt. 

Roger had been angry that Brian was making music at a time like this; it'd only been a few months since they lost their over twenty year friendship with Freddie.

-

But he wasn't really angry anymore. The drummer felt sad, actually. And he didn't admit it.

He hesitated as he reached the front door. Was this really a good decision, trying to see his ex-boyfriend after this tragedy and divorce? It didn't matter, he knocked on the wood roughly anyway.

He thought he'd marry a woman too, since Brian was taken, but now they both had divorced..

-

 Back in the seventies, they'd admitted their feelings on a snowy day. Over time, both men decided it was best to not be in a romantic relationship and in a growing popular band.

The hard wood didn't give him pain at first, but when Brian didn't answer right away, it kicked in. 

"Ow! Stupid door, anyway." Roger muttered and held his fist to his chest. 

-

Finally, the guitarist had gotten up. He went and slowly answered the door, looking tired and not in the mood to talk, though when he saw his band mate, he lit up slightly. 

"Rog? What're you doing here? I wasn't expecting anyone today." 

"I just.. Came to see you. We don't have to do or say anything, can I please come in?" Roger practically begged. 

Brian stared in contemplation before nodding, inviting Roger inside. 

-

Roger took a second to be aware of the surroundings, then suddenly noticed Brian's stubble. He found that odd—Brian rarely had facial hair. 

"Sorry that I'm not properly cleaned up for seeing people recently, I've been kind of blue. Actually, nothing but blue." Brian apologised softly, rubbing a hand over his stubble.

The older man wondered silently if he should explain his feelings. It never seemed to go right lately. But then again, it might actually do something.

The duo sat down on some wooden chairs, staying quiet for a while, until Roger spoke up. "What are you feeling?" 

Brian was taken aback by the question, feeling a little intruded at the bluntness.

-

"Um.. Upset. Angry. Depressed. Honestly, I want to die." Brian answered with a frown. 

Roger looked soft and sad in sympathy, he was not expecting such a distraught answer. He was upset, angry and sad too, but he didn't feel like dying.

"Oh, Bri... I'm so sorry you feel that way." 

"No, don't be. How are you feeling?" 

"Sad and angry.. Lonely. It's really hard without him."

-

"I know how you feel." Brian replied, seeming on the verge of tears. "I haven't seen you cry, though?" 

Now Roger felt intruded, was it really like an accusation to ask how they feel?

"Well.. You know. I just get busy.. I don't feel like crying, it's not fun." 

The guitarist kept a serious face, but it looked sweeter at the moment. Or was Roger just imagining it?

-

"Hey. I know it's not fun, believe me, I've been in darkest place in my mind, and still am. But crying is completely healthy. If you keep it bottled up, you'll explode." Brian reasoned.

"But, I don't want you to feel like dying, Brian. I love you." Roger covered his mouth with his hand, he hadn't meant to say that! The words slipped out.

"You still love me? After two wives?" Brian's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

"Well, before, I loved you. Then as a friend-brotherly way. Now, out of all the times, I'm getting romantic feelings again! It's frustrating!" Roger almost growled.

-

"And it's okay to feel frustrated! I've been frustrated at the world and at myself!" Brian let out.

Roger frowned slightly, he felt so bad that Brian had been carrying the world upon his shoulders. 

In a empathic, worried state of mind, Roger leaned forward and hugged the guitarist tightly. Then, he kissed him on the neck, near his face.

Brian gasped and hugged back, feeling unsure of how to handle this. He wondered if it was a bad idea, being romantic.

-

"Please. I want you to be with me. I wanna be with you." Roger whimpered.

"I think.. I wanna be with you too.." Brian crossed his arms once they were freed from the loving embrace.

The drummer let out a sigh of relief, and finally, he actually started to cry, letting out some of his bottled-up emotions.

"I miss Freddie so much, I wish he was here." Roger cried, burying his face in the older man's chest.

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Word count: 816