Harper's Rules 1 & 2

Chapter 57: Harper

"Harper, you don't need those..." The arrogance in Jake's voice, possibly mixed with a slight amount of guilt, evaporated outside the dumpster. I drowned it out by the way my fist pounded right where I imagined his stupid face stood on the other side.

I can't believe he threw my dildos in here!

My calves strained as I lifted onto my tiptoes and pressed all ten fingers into the dumpster's cold, slightly rusted edge. The hairs on the back of my neck raised as I peered over the edge at Jake with my best venomous eye daggers. With one upward lift of his chin, his mouth parted open as he looked up at me. His eyes were round, wide, and full of a guilt he completely deserved.

While my heart thumped loudly in my chest, my voice came out chilly, even toned, and perfectly matched for a serial killer. "Asshole, you just signed his own death certificate," I promised him, then shook my head. "No, just your balls. You should run because once I get out of here, I will harvest those avocados, cremate them into carbon dust, then make you choke to death on it."

Jake's reply died in my ears as I pushed off with a grunt. My feet planted on a solid surface but shifted, so I steadied my hand on the equally as cold metal dumpster wall. From where I stood, I balanced on a flattened cardboard box but it crunched under my weight and a nearby stash of discarded pornos and cracked monitor screen shifted in my direction.

Sex-starved Fuck-sluts Number twenty-two: Stinky White Women.

I'd break my screen too if I watched that.

Despite the fact I was ankle-deep in trash and sunk the more I stood here, a smile flinched on my lips and I nudged the porn stash over with my toe. "Aww, come on, no Edward Penishands? Oh... fuck. There it is."

My hand curled around a plastic DVD case that had a scary likeliness factor to the original movie, then I hurled it over the edge at Jake. With my blind aim, I probably missed Jake but still, the principle held.

Jake sounded less than amused, "Harper -"

"Shut the fuck up!!" I yelled out and banged my fist hard, painfully hard, against the dumpster wall. "Enjoy your last breaths of life and kiss your gonads goodbye, asshole!"

My feet planted down on a mushy trash bag that none of me wanted to know the contents inside. An absolutely disgusting, musty smell of expired food and trash hung around me in a sea of trash bags and discarded items.

Safe to say my shoes will be in here, along with Jake's ass, after I get out.

No, ass and balls.

I paused my visual inspection and barked out a small laugh at a familiar, white porcelain-shaped object.

A toilet? Never mind, I don't want to know.

With my palm still braced on the metal dumpster side, my other hand palmed my forehead. My eyes shifted around and I groaned because my dildos hadn't fallen into one neat pile. Since Jake hadn't dropped the box intact, my multicolored friends looked scattered and hopelessly abandoned among layers of trash.

I'm here now. Rescue mission, hang on team.

"I think most are okay," I mumbled more to myself, picked up the nearest one, and breathed a small sigh of relief.

Thankfully, HNV had landed on a sealed, white paper food bag with an easily recognizable logo to any college student.

He'll be fine after a good sterilization, as long as whoever recently ate Taco Bell had clean enough hands.

With a long, unsteady step, my right foot sunk lower. I ignored the quicksand-like sensations that swallowed my foot and ankle, leaned over, and retrieved the next closest one, my Tentickle.