Her Inner Strength

Reunited

Here's another really blurry spot in my memory. Somehow, that ex from high school and I got back in contact. I was still working for that group home with special needs adults at the time.
We went for a drive and I told him everything that happened and broke down crying, he told me his mom had cancer. His mom and him were always super close so it tore him up.
He got a good job and I eventually left the group home for my first nursing home job. They offered STNA classes and I was told I'd be out in the first one. I got hired as a PA (personal Attendant).
The place was a shit hole. Truly. So as a PA I refilled the residents water and ice pitchers, gathered their laundry, helped with meals and just helped the aids in whatever way I could.
There was a resident there that ended up needing a constant PA near him as he was a fall risk. That guy became my buddy, he wouldn't listen to anyone but me. We did everything together. I pushed him up and down the halls, did activities with him and kept him occupied. It got to the point I was taking 12 hour shifts so I could be with him as much as I could to help out because nobody else could seem to handle him.
The Director Of Nursing was this troll looking woman. She was absolutely cruel to me. I was doing what I was told and she made us go to the other wing of the nursing home to do activities too, which wasn't bad at first. I was supposed to be a one on one with one resident. There was a super tall resident over there with the same issues as my resident. She told me I had to watch both of them. One on one, means exactly as the name suggests. It does not mean one on two.
It was such a struggle and I found myself juggling between trying to keep either man from toppling over out of their chairs. The very tall one would get very violent and start swinging.
I did the very best I could, put my heart and soul into doing what I was told to do and trying to voice my concerns when it wasn't working.
The director of nursing was on my ass every day it seemed like and I began feeling like I was a failure. Even the aids on my side, two catty Karens stuck in their ways, treated me like shit.
One day I asked the director of nursing when I would begin STNA classes. She said "Do you really think I'd trust you under my licensure to become an Aid? NO, you will never be an STNA here" she pretty much told me I sucked at my job. I left that day, at the end of my shift, a puddle of tears.
The next day I was supposed to be there at 6am, I laid on the couch with my dog on my chest having a panic attack that left me immobilized for the time being, and watched the time tick by. I just no showed that job.
After the panic wore off, I frantically put in applications before messaging my old boss at Speedway asking if they were hiring. I had a job there lined up within a few days.
My ex was my boyfriend again and he would come see me at work quite a bit. We were inseparable again.