made for you | billie eilish

26 | biggest fear

billie's pov -

"no the call isn't going through," i frantically said as i walked out of the building.

"cmon cmon the parking lot has better service," my mom said as she pulled me outside.

"oh my god margie," i exclaimed as she answered the phone. "where are you guys?"

"billie," she sighed.

"what?" i furrowed my eyebrows. "what, what's wrong?"

"we have to go," marg said sadly.

"go where?" i asked, not understanding.

"back to hawaii," she said slowly.

"what?!" i exclaimed. "why?!" i put my hand on my forehead. "when?"

"billie," margie started. "lani's doctor called. the treatment isn't working."

suddenly, everything stopped. my heart sunk. that was leilani's biggest fear.. and it was also mine.

i didn't even realize it but i dropped my phone on the ground, making my team run to me. but i had already fell to the ground crying.

"billie what's going on?" my mom asked.

"i need to go to lani's apartment! now!"

we loaded onto the bus and they drove me to her apartment. i ran in there so quickly, my tears dried from the wind hitting my face.

i made it to her floor and quickly opened the door, without even knocking. margie and liz quickly snapped their heads to me. i could tell they both had been crying.

"where is she?!" i exclaimed.

"billie," lani said lowly from the entrance to her bedroom.

we ran into each other's arms. "i'm so sorry baby," i cried into her shoulder.

"no i'm sorry," she cried back.

"wha- what what did he say?" i sniffed. "how is this happening?"

"he just explained how my tumor is growing instead of shrinking," she nodded.

"isn't there anything else you can do?" i rose my voice.

"radiation," she shrugged. "but that'll diminish my health too. it's no point."

"but baby, i can't lose you," tears streamed down my eyes.

"billie i-" she teared up. "i'm sorry."

"were you gonna leave without telling me?" i looked sadly.

"i figured you'd run out of time trying to look for me so you'd get on the road anyway," she shrugged as she sniffed. "i'm sorry, i just can't be here."

"why?"

"LA has caused me so much stress billie," lani started. "if i die, i refuse to die here."

i closed my eyes, understanding her completely. "so um," i sighed. "how long?" my voice cracked.

she sighed and shook her head. "billie-"

"you can tell me."

"i don't want you to worr-"

"leilani rose," i said sternly.

she took a deep breath. "about a year."

i slightly gasped and started shaking. my eyes were wide. lani was holding my hands but i released from her grip and backed away.

only a year to live??

i started hyperventilating before going to the bathroom and kneeling to the toilet where i began to throw up.