17. God Is a Thing With No Ears

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"God and I are in a stalemate

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"God and I are in a stalemate.
We both want to forgive the other (or so we say),
but we're waiting to be asked first."

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The torches flickered softly along the stone walls of the narrow corridor leading to Helaena Targaryen's new chambers, casting dancing shadows that seemed to mimic the uncertainty swirling within her heart. The weight of her responsibilities pressed down on her like the closing of a tomb over her head as she walked, her strides measured yet burdened by the constant reminder of what she had been made accomplice in. 

She blamed her trepidation on the fact that she was not yet accustomed to her new chambers. As the Queen, she had been moved to her mother's old rooms, and although she had spent many an hour there during her pitifully short life, it still felt strange to call them hers. To wear the crown her mother did, and bear the burdens that came with it. 

With her three children trailing behind her, their footsteps echoing faintly in the silent halls of the Red Keep, Helaena couldn't shake the feeling of unease that had settled in the pit of her stomach. She glanced down at Jaehaerys, whose hand clutched hers tightly, his wide violet eyes darting nervously around the dimly lit corridor. A soft whimper escaped his lips, drawing a gentle sigh from his mother's lips.

He was a quiet and anxious child, prone to fits of melancholy and nightmares, in the way she herself had once been. She supposed children were the inheritors of their parents' burdens and if her son were to inherit anything, better to inherit her pain, than his father's tendency to inflict it upon others. Jaehaerys refused to be apart from her, clinging to her side no matter where she went, and bursting into tears at the slightest indication of separation. 

"Be quiet," his sister Jaehaera snapped to him. "You're going to worry Mother again."

Helaena shook her head, crouching down to their level and placing her hand on her son's shoulder, "What's troubling you, my sweet?" 

Jaehaerys shook his head, his lower lip trembling as he clung to his mother's hand with an almost desperate grip. Helaena's heart ached at the sight, a pang of guilt twisting within her chest as she wondered what could have possibly unsettled her son so deeply, but if he gave her no response, how was she to ever know? 

With a sigh, she rose to her feet once more, her hand still firmly clasped in Jaehaerys's as she continued down the corridor. As they approached the ornate wooden door to the Queen's chambers, she noticed that it was slightly ajar, but the familiar sliver of warm light did not spill out into the darkness of the hallway beyond.

A flicker of uncertainty stirred within Helaena's chest as she hesitated a few steps before the threshold, her gaze lingering on the door with a mixture of apprehension and curiosity. Had her mother come to visit her, as she often did in the quiet hours of the evening. It seemed that Alicent was not accustomed to her new quarters either, and so she found herself returning to the Queen's chambers fairly often. 

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