The Fear Dissertation // A Jonathan Crane Dark Romance

46

I spend the entire next day expecting the cops are going to turn up and arrest me at any given moment.

Every orderly that appears around a corner, every nurse that knocks on the door during an appointment, morphs and distorts in my mind into officers Penny and Brooks, wielding handcuffs and shaking their heads with faux-sadness. I wonder if it's partially fuelled by my sleep-deprived state, if I am nearing hallucinations.

But I don't fear such a fate. Not anymore.

Last time I'd anticipated my pending arrest, I'd worried about all the things I would never get to achieve. My doctorate, my work, my research. Now, I'm cocooned by an inextricable sense of calm. Of certainty. And when they don't arrive — when every orderly and nurse is, in fact, an orderly and nurse — my mind slowly accepts that I'm safe. Jonathan has protected us. He won't let anything happen.

"Are you okay?" Harleen asks me over lunch, reaching for my hand and giving it a quick squeeze. "I worried about you all night."

"I'm fine," I try to reassure her. "At least, I am now that Jonathan's okay. Thank you so much for patching him up." I squeeze her hand back.

"Of course. I'd do anything for you guys."

Harleen smiles, but I can see her heart isn't in it. Frowning, I ask, "What's up?"

She pulls her hand away and begins to pick at her Italian sandwich. "...Nothing. I'm fine. Everything's fine."

"Harleen, I know when something's up."

"How?" She pushes.

"The fact your sandwich is still intact, and you're rearranging the salami slices when usually you've inhaled two of them by now."

She nods slowly. Places her hands in her lap. But still says nothing.

I hesitate for a moment, before resigning myself to the fact I need to ask. "Is it the Joker?"

She goes completely still. "You've been asked already?"

I frown. "Asked what?"

"The trial." She blinks. "He's requested you give the forensic testimony as to whether he should be moved to Blackgate Penitentiary."

"Me?" I ask. "I've only seen him, like, three times. You took over his care."

Her face drops slightly. "Yeah. I know."

"I haven't heard anything about the trial," I tell her. "I was asking about... about your feelings for him." I push onward, deciding to get it all out. "Because I can see there's something there, Harleen. And if you need someone to talk to about it, just know I'm here. Okay? You haven't shown me any judgement with Doctor Crane. You've been amazing. It's the least I can do back."

Harleen stares fixedly at her sandwich, before finally pulling a cucumber slice free and beginning to eat. "Thank you," she says quietly.

"I propose a cocktails and Thai food evening tonight," I say, already planning to scour Pinterest for alcohol-free mocktails.

She asks, "Won't you be with Doctor C?"

"Not tonight," I say. "You and I need girl time."

"And he'll be okay with that?" She asks, raising an eyebrow and beginning to eat her sandwich with more vigor. "He seems kind of protective."

"I'll have a freaking microchip implanted in my skull if I have to," I roll my eyes. "But seriously, he'll understand."

***

Jonathan blinks. "Cocktails and Thai food?"

"Yeah. You know." I shrug. "It's kind of a thing me and Harleen do. I think she needs it." I narrow my eyes, suddenly defensive as we walk across the concrete outdoors of the asylum together. Him to his car, me to where Harleen's waiting at the gate. "You don't have a problem with that, do you?"