Paying the Piper

Thirty-Six: A Fresh Start

On Sunday, I went to visit Ryland. This time, without the weight of so much guilt, I was able to look him in the eye without faltering. He had not changed as much as he believed he had.

Hannah had been visiting him every day to bring him his homework. She was proving as stubborn as Rhia in that regard, but since it allowed her to see Ryland, I guess it was suddenly a worthy principle to uphold.

"I'm thinking of going back to Korea for awhile," he told me.

"Transferring schools isn't all it's chalked up to be," I replied. "Take it from a recent transfer student. You should just stay here."

Quentin had said they were probably moving, but not necessarily out of Gendormi—just out of their mini-mansion. Their dad was trying to get hired by the Potomah Regional Forest Service again, where he had worked about eighteen years ago.

When Ryland didn't respond, I said, "Guess you can't hear anymore without your Dorian-enhanced hearing." As the words slipped out of my mouth, I mentally cursed myself. It was probably too soon to be joking about these matters.

He stared at me, looking over the rim of his new glasses. "Did you seriously just claim my hearing is worse now too?"

"Sorry," I muttered. I wouldn't have thought his sense of humor came from Dorian and was now lost, but I didn't dare say that aloud right then.

But right then, Quentin came in for some snacks. "It's true, Ry. Even your tastebuds are warped now. You actually like Dad's cooking?" Quentin wrinkled his nose. "You should make some food for us again."

"I can't!" Ryland exploded. "I can't even chop vegetables the way I used to!"

Quentin and I exchanged glances, as if questioning who was going to have to say it. It was probably past due for my turn. I took a breath, keeping my tone light. "You know, you can relearn some things. I could never cut a carrot lightning fast, but I'm sure I could learn if I really wanted. Same with you."

Quentin unhelpfully added, "If it helps, just think of yourself as a stroke victim or something. You lost some functioning, but you can recover it."

Ryland yanked the hood of his sweatshirt lower across his eyes, and crossed his arms. "Why don't you both go talk about me somewhere else?"

Quentin shrugged. "Living room and kitchen are communal space." But he wandered away after grabbing a bag of chips.

That left me alone to deal with his bad mood. But in preparation for my visit today, I had taken a page from Hannah's book. "Hey, we got back our score on our leaf project for Environmental Science. That big leaf you were so proud of? Totally mislabeled." I waited for my lie to sink in.

Ryland poked his glasses out of his hoodie. "It wasn't a catalpa? I find that hard to believe."

"You actually remembered what leaf I was talking about?" I scoffed. "Yet you think you've lost some skills? Please."

"It's not like I lost my memory," he muttered.

"Oh yeah? Well, guess what? I did. I only recently got it all back."

I hadn't planned on telling people the details of my missing memories and how I'd regained them, but it seemed as though Ryland might benefit from it. I explained how I had given up my memories of my childhood and lived without out them for ten years. It wasn't until last weekend that I had finally remembered everything from my childhood.

"It changed a fundamental part of myself when I relearned my origins. All this time, I thought Lorie was my mother, but she's actually not my birth mom. And there's a whole part of my life that was lost for years. It made me more unsure of myself, less confident. So I get it, not feeling entirely like yourself. But you know what? You are entirely yourself now. And if we all can see that the person you are now is worth knowing and being friends with, you'll eventually see it too."