Unholy deal

Chapter 20

I hear the doorbell and, expecting Theo, open the door without checking through the peephole. I stand surprised when I see Loes' small figure looking up at me with a small smile.

"Oh, hi." I smile back and let her in.

"I think we need to talk."

"Okay?" I close the door and walk behind her as she makes her way into the living room.

"I know you called me the other night." I freeze a little. I remember talking to someone about my needs and I remember it being Athena. I don't regret it, but I definitely feel guilty, and there she went and told Loes all about it. "I know you want to fuck around to move on. And I think we should." She tells me and I am actually speechless.

"What?"

"I think we should have sex with other people. Even if it's fast, we are not together anymore and we said we'd stay friends so it shouldn't be a problem, who we- who we kiss and... touch and-"

"Yeah! Okay." I stop her before she gets into too many details and especially before she thinks about it too much. "So all good with you?"

"One hundred percent."

"Great." We both sit on the couch in silence, and she seems to wonder something in her head, questioning herself. "Is there anything else you want to tell me?"

"No." her leg jumps up and down and I just stare at her.

"Oka-"

"It's really more a question than a statement." She smiles and I chuckle and look at her waiting for her question. "Did you- did you ever... questioned...questioned yourself?" I lift my brows and stare at her not sure I understand her question.

"Questioned myself?"

"Yeah, like wondered what you were?"

"Oh, no, please don't tell me you identify as a furry fox, or I don't know what shit." I tell her and chuckle. She seems taken aback by the fact that I actually know what a furry is. I suddenly feel really dumb, because if she does, I probably just crushed her. "I mean, I wouldn't judge you- well maybe a little, I mean-"

"I'm not a furry, Ares!" She cuts me off and I sigh and nod. We just look at each other for a couple of seconds and I see her holding back a smile.

"So questioning myself?"

"You know what, it's not that important. How have you been?"

"I've been alright, handling it like I can. You?"

"Yeah, I'm alright. Theo?" I wince a little when she asks this question because I honestly don't know.

"I have no idea. It is still hard for him."

"That kind of thing changes people." I sit straighter on the couch and look at the fireplace, thinking about my brother and what happened to him.

"He feels awful about it. I wouldn't be surprised if he blames himself."

"He is trying to forget her. He needs to move on, she left."

"I know that." I say, laying back on the couch and rubbing my phase. "He's having a hard time trusting people after all of them." I look at Loes who makes a weird face.

"He is really unlucky with his love life, isn't he?"

"Yeah... He is on his way over actually. We're having a brother-brother night."

"Aw, that's sweet. So I guess you forgave him about Athena." I stop moving completely and I can hear Loes regretting what she just said. "Or not. Okay, I'm going go..."

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

As I pull up into Ares' driveway, I see him hugging someone at the door, a woman. I recognize the hair, it's Loes. It's good that they are still friends. Their breakup was healthy. They may have lost each other as lovers but found themselves again as friends.

I'm happy for them, but I can't help the jealousy creeping up inside of me.

I wish I was my brother for this.

I lost my light but it's shadow still haunts me every day.