Summer Long

July 3 - Shared pain (14)

I was back in my room when I took the phone in my hand and sat on the edge of the bathtub.

I feel I can't handle this anymore... I still hadn't told what happened to anyone.
And I feel I am keeping everything inside me for too long now.

All I wanted to do was one thing: call the person who knew me the most in the world:
My best friend Delilah.

"Hey, you bitch!" She exclaimed answering the phone.
I laughed: "Is this how you greet me now?"
"Yeah, since you're on vacation in Hawaii, and I'm not..." She replied, pretending to be offended.

"How are you doing?" I asked her.
"Studyng and studying and studyng again... But it's okay."
"You should take a break and breathe." I advised her in a serious way.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever... So how things are going with you?"

My silence said more than my words could do.
"About that... I have something to tell you." I said, breathless.
"I needed to process it, before telling it to you..." I added.

"Go ahead, I'm listening." Delilah replied more seriously.

It kept all my effort to tell my best friend everything I had kept to myself in these days.
Starting from Joe's unexpected departure, to my feeling of loneliness and discomfort.

To the fact that I was now alone with Bella.
How she had opened up to me... even though we didn't know each other at all,
and how I strongly empathized with her story.

"Shit, Ellie..." Delilah sighed.
"You should stop keeping everything inside..." She gently scolded me.
"Yeah, I know..."

"Listen, Ellie..." She began.
"Ok... your asshole boyfriend dumped you with a redhead in a luxury resort.
But think about it: you have a boat, a wonderful sea in front of you... not to mention your attractive body, and you're on a fucking island in Hawaii."

I blushed.
"I know, Deli, but..." I tried to fight back.
"Ooh, stop! Have fun! Enjoy your vacation! Think about yourself once in a while."

Suddenly I realized that maybe she was right...
What was my role in all of this?
I wasn't just the girlfriend, or bride-to-be, dumped by her boyfriend in a resort, as my mind wanted me to believe...

I was so blinded by pain and resentment that I could not rationalize my thoughts.
It was as if a black hole had absorbed my energy, enthusiasm, and motivation.

The truth was that I had everything my friend Delilah had listed for me and yet I was not making good use of it...
I had to change- I wanted to change that.

"Okey. I understand it now." I finally said with a sigh of relief.
"Hallelujah!" Delilah exclaimed, laughing.

"Listen - What is the redhead's name? Her full name." She asked me with a satisfied tone.
"And why do you need it?" I asked suspiciously.

"I'm going to check out her instagram, of course!" She answered in an obvious way.
I rolled my eyes.

Then I heard a strange silence for several minutes after I told her the name.

"Holy shit!!" Delilah exclaimed surprised, catching me off guard.
"Are you telling me that right now you are in Hawaii with this hottie?!" She cheered.

And I still haven't told her about that kiss with Bella...

"I happened to be..." I whispered shyly.
"Stop stalking her instagram, anyway..." I added.

"Say no more..." She laughed.
I coughed nervously:
"Actually, there is something more..."

Delilah remained silent, so I began to talk again:
"Bella and I , we kinda kiss because of a stupid game." I said all in one breath.