The blonde & The bad

Chapter seventeen

'We all have a story we will never tell'

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Trees, trees, trees all I can see are trees. Then there it is, this familiar asphalt road, surrounded by the abandoned houses. I try to keep running but before I know it I fall face down to the ground, my head burns as the asphalt scrapes away pieces of skin on my face. I try to push myself up but my chest is aching, I can’t breathe and everything is closing up to me. I slowly turn my head to the left and see Carl in his car driving my way, my stomach gets a twisted feeling and I want to let it all out but I can’t. He is coming closer, and just when I want to put my arms up to protect my head everything turns black.

“Jayme, Jayme, Jayme. Please wake up.” I’m sweating, crying and shaking and when I open my eyes Guy is kneeled down in front of me, worriedness spread on every inch of his face. The world is still spinning and before I knew it, the contents off my stomach is laying on the wooden floor besides my bed and only a few inches away from Guy. He doesn’t even wince he isn’t horrified or annoyed, but the worriedness is still there.

“I’m sorry.” I push myself up from the bed and feel the tears still streaming down my face, Guy doesn’t move. I don’t know what he wants me to do, but I knew what I wanted. I hold out my arms, bend over and grab the guy, tightly. He pushes himself up from the floor and sits himself on the bed, next to me. I can feel his body shake with mine as I let out all the sobs that wanted to come out way sooner.  He strokes my back as he tries to calm me down, he isn’t Marc or Hugh but he’s not a bad replacement.

“I’m so, so sorry.” I try through my sobs, but it came out like I just ran a marathon and was panting heavily. His hand laying still on my back as he pushes himself out of my tight grip, he looks at me with his big eyes.

“Did you just apologize for having a nightmare?” Somehow he manages to keep surprising me. The emotion written all over his face right now, was real worriedness and a little bit of pity. But that wasn’t all, he acted so cool, so mature, totally the opposite off how he has been with me most of the times.

“I apologized for almost throwing up all over you.” I manage to say through my sobs, the following laugh came out silently and it made me feel a little bit better.

“I think you would feel much better if you just take a shower and I’ll make you some tea. Okay?” Like I said the total opposite. I wonder what happened to him, that he could be so calm and so sweet while all he really wants to do is play. Would he fake it? His dirty side, I mean. Maybe he’s like Frodo from lord of the rings, isn’t that a real illness? He walked towards the door, that led to the hall, and pointed towards another door in the room.

“Shower.” Was all he said before he left, I was so lost in my thoughts I hadn’t realized he had let go off me. I pushed myself from the bed, almost fell in the puddle of brownish digested food from yesterday.

“Oh my god what did I eat yesterday?” I stared at it for another ten seconds before I felt some fresh air brush against my bare feet. I grabbed my bra from the ground and a fresh shirt out of the closet, before I moved my body towards the bathroom. I let the water get to the right temperature before I took the shirt, I slept in, off.

My hand touched the warm streaming liquid, the touch off the hot water felt ice-cold and I pulled my hand back out of shock. Turning the temperature down a bit, I drank some water and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I looked better than I normally did after a nightmare, I bended down to drink some water out of the tap and felt my head shriek out of pain.

“Oh my god.” I pushed myself back and grabbed my head, I stumbled back and before I knew it my bare back was pressed against a cold surface.

“Shit.” I yelled surprised, and turned around to look at the wall. The pain of a hangover is probably the worst ever. I stared at the wall for a while, until I heard the streaming of the water and I got back to reality. I walked towards the shower and let my cold hand meet the hot water again, this time it didn’t feel like getting a small heart attack. I stepped into the steamy cabin and let the water rush down my naked body. I looked down as the water streamed down over me. My vision was getting blurry because of the water running over my face, but it didn’t kept me from seeing the multiple scars. There weren’t as many as there were on my back but the sight of them on my legs and stomach was making me feel nauseous. I hate my body and I’m ashamed of it, maybe that’s what I’m afraid off most when I get closer to people. What will they say when they see the scars. I know they aren’t as obvious as they are to me, but when you really look at my body you can see the scars. And you can feel the painful past they carry with them.