Red Lilac

Chapter 46

Alyana

"What the hell!" Aiden shouts. I'm afraid we get attention inside the hotel from his loud angry voice.

I walk to get near him and will try to calm him down.. A bit..

Once I'm near him I turn around and face Rose and Liam. I make no attempt to touch even his hand. I am too nervous he'll flinch and take my hand away. I know this time I cross some boundaries he'd set to protect me.

And I know, too, that like any other time that when my safety is concern he doens't know what to do.

"Rose, go home. I can handle this. Thank you for your time." I tried to sweep them away. But Aiden is too mad beside me and they both know it.

"Rose," Aiden said in coldest voice I ever heard him. "What the hell is this? I've told you over and over about this, didn't I?" he walks toward Liam and Rose and panic rose up my throat.

Clenching his fist he looks back at me. Eyes feircing and hurting at the same time. My panic rose up a notch.

"Aiden, please don't hurt him." I whisper. Regret and worry painted in my voice and I know in my face, too.

He stares at me, hold me captive with an expression of a man in the middle of crisis he didn't want to be in. He made everything he can not to be in this moment, but he knows this will happen.

He turns around to face the two."Go, before I do something I'll regret."

The SUV pulls up near them and they both climbed in. Before Liam shuts the door, he look at us for I think is the last time he set to allow himself to see me.

"God bye, Alyana. Take good care of them Aiden." and then he shuts the door without waiting for any response from either of us.

As soon as the SUV vanishes in our line of vision Aiden limply sits down on the bench Liam and I took earlier.

I sit next to him, but I made sure to keep a little distance between us. He's still quiet after a while and I can't bear the silence anymore.

"I'm sorry." I said sincerely. He pushes his hands in his hair and inhale deeply. He let his hand drop loudly on his lap then bends to cover his face using his palms.

"Why? Why do you do this to me?"

I close my eyes as I try and fail to answer him.

"I was just asking you to keep yourself safe. Away from any danger. I did everything I can.." he stops.. And pulls at his hair.

"Please try to calm down a little. Nothing happened to me. I am still safe. Aiden, we just talk."

"Calm down! I can't fucking calm down! How can you trust him? How can you forgive him so fast, do I have to remind you over and over what he's done?" he's mad. Shit. He's really mad.

"I saw him, he's about to hug you but you turn on my direction and he dropped his hands. If he did hugged you, I don't know what I can do to him.."

Oh thank God, he didn't saw that Liam actually touched my belly.

"Aiden, that attempted hug is purely friendly. He said he's sorry. And you know that's all I need to forgive him. He did nothing to harm me now, and the last time was not purely intentional"

"I am so mad right now that I can't even think straight."

I know that you are and I am so proud of you, you didn't punch Liam.

"I know that he was a part of the reasons why we grow apart for five dreadful years. But those years also helped us to be where we are right now. And he was not just the one to blame. We also have to blame ourselves for not trusting each other. I know, I understand that it feels good to put the blame on someone else's head while the real reason was it was us. He just did some part of it, but the biggest part was our fault, Aiden. Try and think of it. It's not all Liam's fault.

But you also have to admit, those five years helped us to mature. To be who we really want to be. Look at you, look at where those five years took you."

A moment or two had passed and we still are here. I am quiet because I don't know what to add..

"I was so afraid to feel complete happiness, Alyana," he finally says. " because everytime I do, problems come twice painful than the happiness I felt. It makes me think that I should not be really happy at all." his voice is now a little calmer than earlier.

He looks at me, and from this look I know I need to comfort him, even though I was the reason why he's in pain.

He didn't complain, he didn't push me away when I lay my head on his shoulder. He didn't say anything else.

"I'm sorry, I just.." I don't know what possessed me to talk to him, but I feel that I really need to. And talking to Liam lifts up all the heavy burdens I had since the day he went to the old pink house in dirty clothes.

"I was so happy these past few days, months, I was entirely happy seeing you walking down the stairs, and dancing with you. Knowing this party is about us.. About our upcoming marriage. I was so happy I forget I shouldn't be that happy. Because I know when sadness hits, it's double the size."

"Aiden that's not true. Happiness is happiness. It comes without pain as it's twin. Look at me." he does. I am greatly moved by the concern and worry that lies in his eyes. For me.. For our baby.. Why did I do this tonight? Why in all of the time did I chose this tonight. I ruined our engagement party.

"I am happy, that everytime I woke up you were by my side. Knowing that you value every morning we shared just like I do. I am happy knowing that a part of you is growing inside me."

He exhales.. I know he didn't realize this as much as I did. That this baby, inside me, will more likely to be just like him. Physically. He always pictures his child to be just like me. A little version of me. But I always see his baby to be just like him. To be just like us.

A half of me, and a half of him.

This baby will remind us of all our happy moments together. This baby will be the picture of a real happiness.

"I need to talk to him, because I want... I want this new chapter of our lives to be filled with just happiness. I want to let go all the burdens I had inside. I want to be completely, entirely happy in the life we soon will share with this little life growing inside me."

By this time, I know that his anger is now replaced by some emotions we both held everytime we talk about our future. Together. With his baby.

"Alyana.." he whispers as he puts his chin above my head. His hands follow to reach me and wrap me inside them. I hug him back. Because we both need this. We succeed to talk over our biggest problem that has been hanging overhead for so long.. And I know from this moment on, no bigger problems can tear us apart. We just need a full communication to tell what we really feel. And that's all it takes..

"I love you, and I'm so proud and happy for both of us." I murmur in his chest. He feels like home. Smells like Aiden and I love every bit of it.

"I love you, no one else.. Just you."

"Are you still mad?" I ask, but I don't pull away. Afraid to see the anger in his eyes once again.

"I was terrified to realize that you weren't in the ball. I searched for you.. And when I found you here I thought my sight have zeroed.. I was so scared to look down on your legs and see blood running down on them again.." he stops and inhales so deep my head moves along with his chest. "I thought my heart stops functioning.. My worst fear tonight is to rush you to the nearest hospital for the second time.."

"We talked over the phone. I know that he's better now, I know that he's getting so well in his theraphy. And Rose is on stand by." I close my eyes and pull him even closer to me.

I feel him kiss the top of my head before he pulled away.

"Promise me that you'll never do this again." he glances at his wrist watch and then looks at me. His eyes talk for him. He don't have to voice it all out. I know from the look he's giving me that aside from being angry at me and Liam he's also mad to himself.

"I promise, no more crazy sneaking out anymore. "

"It's late. Let's get inside and let me put you to bed."

I nod and smile a little. But before he stands up he leans down and kiss me.

This kiss is his "I'm sorry" to me and my "Forgive me" to him.