Not Ready

≈Chapter XXXVII :

~Los Angeles,

•05/06 {Saturday, 12:01 P.M}

~*~ Dorian ~*~

I was so furious right now that I wanted to break everything around me and scream on the top of my lungs. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't understand it. I didn't get it. What happened ? Why did she react this way ? Why ? I thought that we were getting closer and moving forward in our relationship. When we decided to give each other a chance, I though that we were both in it. I thought that we agreed on something. Was she playing me since the beginning ? 

I shook my head and took a deep breath. I had all of those things running in my mind since yesterday and I needed a break. I needed to just stop thinking before to lose my mind. Thinking about this whole situation was hurting me. My heart was breaking as the questions were coming more and more to my mind. I wasn't sure about a thing anymore. I didn't know what to do at this point. It was all happening so suddenly and I'd never gone through this before, so I really didn't know what should be my next move. 

My life was finally going fine and now a bomb exploded into it and I didn't know why. Lost wasn't even the word to describe my feelings right now. I mainly wanted to be angry, but for some reason I couldn't really show that emotion, especially because the hurt and sadness were taking over. 

I didn't even know if I should fight for this or not. What was this now, anyways ? How should I consider this relationship ? Were we really done ? And what was that bullshit with her thinking that I was doing her dirty ? Last time I checked, I'd never done something for her to grow suspicious. And why was she so old for me now ? It wasn't a problem during those past few months. In the very beginning, it was an issue, but I thought that we already went through this and had moved on since then. I didn't care about her age at all. I didn't even know how old she was to begin with. I was attracted to her, wanted to know her better and wanted to build something with her, that's all I cared about. 

I didn't want someone younger, nor skinnier neither lightener. Like what was she talking about ? Docia was perfect to my eyes. She had the perfect body and I loved her personality. I didn't want her to changer neither did I need someone else. She was the first woman to ever have made me feel some type of way in my whole life. I'd never gone to a date before I met her and she began to make me see love with different eyes. I even thought about marrying her once. 

I was so disappointed.

"Hey, Do ! " Laylani walked in the living room with a huge smile on her face, what got me mad instantly because I was going through something while everything in her life seemed to go so well. I didn't like to feel like this because she deserved to be happy, but I couldn't help it. I had any control on my emotions and feelings right about now. 

"Leave me alone."

She furrowed her brows, "Okay...What's going on ? Are you okay ? "

I shook my head. Since my stay in the mental hospital, I learned that it was unnecessary to let worries and issues weight on my mind for too long. I've been working on talking more, so I could deal better with my emotions. It was already hard with my depression, but by keeping everything to myself, it was only making it worse.