A1: The Don (GirlxGirl)

Chapter Thirty

Killing a man was harder than I expected. I wanted Jimmy dead but I never thought I would be the one to have to do the deed. At the moment, shooting Jimmy was an impulsion. I had to do it to ensure Andy's safety and everyone else's. Jimmy's death had to happen, there was no way around it so why did I feel so damn guilty? Why did I keep replaying his death over and over in my head? It was f-cking me up.

A week had passed since I took his life and I still couldn't get more than three hours' worth of sleep. My dreams consisted of Jimmy's death playing repeatedly with different elements that made the encounter even worse. In some dreams, I had to shoot him multiple times and in others Andy actually died. Instead of sleeping, I spent nights pacing, crying or just staring at Andy when she was in her coma. It was taking a toll on me, but now that Andy was awake, I couldn't let her know. For now, we had to focus on getting her healthy and back on track.

While Andy was unconscious, the only person who was able to keep my mind at peace for a long period of time was Shawn. He was the smartest person I've ever met. To keep my mind off things, he would teach me things about the anatomy and tell me about procedures he performed on his patients. I found it insane that he hadn't spent a day in med school and knew how to carry out surgery and knew how to treat nearly any infection. Over a week, I learned a lot from him as I watched him doctor on Andy. It refueled my notions to want to be a doctor again, but every time I thought of saving a life, I always thought about how I took one. F-cking Jimmy. Why did he have to be such a d-ck? Why did he had to put in that predicament?

"You okay, darlin'," Andy questioned. I jumped out of my thoughts and looked down at the notecards in my hands. They were filled with sentences and words that I had Andy reading to me aloud. It was supposed to help her brain function at the pace it did before the concussion which led to the weeklong coma. She was doing pretty well, only stuttering over a few words which she claimed happened because couldn't see my 'itsy bitsy writing.' "I'm the one who got my brain scrambled, but you're the one zoning out," she joked.

I laughed lightly and held up a card. "Shut up and read the card."

"I need a smoke."

My eyebrow struck up as I turned the card to face me. "Baby, that's not what the card says."

"But I need a cigarette, a blunt or something. It's been a week and I may have been knocked out but I'm going crazy." Andy slowly sat up and looked out towards the window. It was a warm, beautiful day outside. We could hear birds chirping from the small room she was laying in. "Let's go outside." She said as she swung her feet off the edge of the bed. She grimaced at the pain and I stopped her before she hopped off the bed.

I stood up and put my hands on her shoulders. "Do you really think you're going to get up and walk easily after being in a bed for a week? Also, you're still hooked up to a million machines. We have to ask Shawn if it's okay first." Andy rolled her eyes and mocked my words in a childish voice before screaming out Shawn's name.

In a matter of seconds, Shawn came running in frantically. "Do you need more pain medicine or something," he asked as he nearly ran into Andy's bed. One thing about Shawn I knew for sure, over my week of knowing him was that he was extremely clumsy. I'm not sure how he completed so many successful procedures when he was always tripping over his shoelaces. He was awkward with a nerdy style, tucked in collared shirts and chinos were his thing.

"I just want permission to go outside and take a walk on this beautiful afternoon," Andy said dramatically as she stared up at him. Shawn scratched the back of his shaved head and turned back to me as if I was the source of the foolishness. I knew Andy wasn't ready but she was being hardheaded. She didn't understand that there was a process to her recovery.