This One's For You

Deserving

I deserve better.

I deserve better than a guy who cheated on me while away at college meanwhile he damn well knew that was my worst fear about him leaving.

I deserve better than a guy who runs into the arms of the girl who spent years trying to break us up, immediately after we broke up.

I deserve better than a guy who swore there was "no more secrets" yet when we broke up there was a hidden jar shattered on the floor where my trust also broke.

I deserve better than a guy who uses my God against me.

I deserve better than a guy who uses God as an excuse to get out of our relationship.

I deserve better than a guy who rips the rug out from under me and watches me as I cry from scraped knees.

I deserve better than a guy who's suddenly screaming at me in a parking lot claiming how immature I am for being uncontent with the reason we broke up.

I deserve better than a guy who can stomach the look of my face as I'm sobbing on my dorm room floor.

I deserve better than a guy who watches me sob on the floor of a sanctuary telling me that maybe he's supposed to be with the girl who tried to break us up.

I deserve better than a guy who doesn't even have the courage to apologize for putting me through hell.

I deserve better than a guy who can go from begging me to stay to telling me he's leaving.

I deserve better than a guy who suddenly abandons a woman with abandonment issues.

I deserve better than a guy who doesn't know how to distance himself from the temptation of other women.

I deserve better than a guy who quits when we don't seem as happy as we first were in the beginning.

I deserve a guy who freaking appreciates all those nights that I talked him out of suicide.

I deserve a guy who appreciates all those nights I spent awake wondering if he was alive or falling asleep.

I deserve a guy who appreciates the little things.

I deserve a guy who thinks I'm his world and actually means it.

I deserve better than a guy who just walks away.

I deserve so much better than I had, and ten years from now I'll be glad you walked away.

Because babe, when I find that guy that I truly deserve, I hope you truly see how good you had it. I hope one day you'll look back and regret this moment, just like I'm looking back regretting all of those moments that started this mess.

Most of all, I deserve to see the look on your face when you realize, "Of course she wrote about me."

Oh honey just wait.