Do You See Me Now? ✔

Chapter 19 - The Discovery

Saturday, October 27th

     The arcade had been fun, for a little while. After about an hour, Jesse was done pretending he was fine. He didn't have the energy to smile or talk much to Loek. As promised, Loek had taken him home shortly after Jesse fell silent.

Back home, Mees had showed him the new bed, but Jesse had bit his lip, and nervously asked Loek if he minded sharing his bed for one more night. He had admitted he didn't want to be alone with his thoughts, and Loek had instantly told him it was fine.

Mees didn't seem all too happy with it, but he shrugged it off and sat back on the couch. Even when Jesse had tried to thank him for giving him his own room, Mees had only shrugged, and flatly answered it was fine.

Jesse didn't feel like 'it was fine'. On the contrary, as soon as he had asked Loek to share the bed, Mees seemed hostile to some degree. He didn't want Jesse to sleep in the same bed as Loek, and Jesse couldn't help but wonder why Mees didn't think they should share a bed.

Sure, Jesse knew Loek liked him to some degree—that much was clear after he had kissed him several times—but that didn't mean Jesse would hurt Loek, like Mees had told him not to.

It was still the only rule; do not hurt Loek.

And Jesse didn't want to hurt him, at all. He liked Loek's company. He usually liked his jokes, he liked listening to him whenever he told a story about work. He loved his laugh, and the lights in his eyes. He loved it when Loek cheekily smiled at him after flirting, and he loved how Loek held him protectively for yet another night, after Jesse had admitted he didn't want to be alone.

The next morning, he woke up to an empty bed, since Loek had already left for work. His mind had taken him on a trip down memory lane. He remembered the endless amount of evenings he spent with Calix and Axel, gaming and having fun, wondering if that was all in the past now.

But one other thought had been nagging in the back of his mind, and around noon, while he was alone in the apartment and found a bunch of old photos when he curiously walked into the third bedroom that was now supposedly his, he allowed himself to think about it.

To think about Loek, and that he liked being around him so much. How he liked or even loved the little things about Loek.

And he couldn't help but wonder; was he falling for Loek?

Then why was he still so obsessed with Calix' attention, and getting his approval? Even now that he figured Calix wanted nothing to do with him anymore, the only thing he wanted was for Calix to tell him it didn't matter that he was gay.

Jesse couldn't care less about the rest of his friends. As long as Calix was there. Well, Calix, and Axel. Jesse couldn't imagine staying in a fight with Axel for too long either, even if he only came in during middle school and missed a lot of bonding Calix and he had already done at a very young age.

Axel was just as much part of their little group as Calix and Jesse himself were.

All and everything was fucked up, and Jesse knew hiding in Loek's apartment wasn't going to help him solve anything. For starters, because he was probably ignoring everyone's texts and calls—if there were any—because he broke his phone in a rage of anger.

Which was the only reason he left the apartment, on Friday during school hours. He rode his bike to the nearest store and bought himself a new phone. It wasn't the hottest model, it wasn't a popular brand, but it was sufficient for the time being. Jesse was simply too curious to see what he had missed in the meantime.

But back at home, he got scared. Scared of what Calix or Axel, or Yoni even, could've sent since he broke his phone. What if any of them had texted him to let him know their friendship was over, and that they were glad he hadn't showed up at school for most of the week?