Never Alone

Chapter 32

Chapter Thirty-Two

I was crying when it was my turn to swallow the pill. I drew in a few deep breaths, mindful of loosening my constricted throat so I could get the medication down. It took effort, but I managed, through small hiccups, to follow Marco into the space between.

I was floating in darkness until I heard those words Dr. Crimm had used to guide each of my friends before.

It was time to figure out whether I could overcome my past or whether it was always going to be a weight pulling me beneath the surface of the water. The sound of my rapid heartbeat seemed to echo in my ears as I used Marco's breathing technique to remain as calm as possible.

The first tiny bubble appeared and floated up quickly from the bottom of my vision to the top before another few followed. Then, suddenly, there were hundreds of them, against a dirty-yellow background. They raced and chased each other from bottom to top until thick, white foam formed where they gathered. My brother Luke was suddenly there, as if Dr. Crimm's words had pulled him from the place in my mind where I'd locked him away. I tried to swim, but my movement caused a wave to form and as if a cup had been tipped, the yellow drained and left the walls of an old house behind.

It was the house of my nightmares.

The headache was immediate, so sharp and unyielding I had to grab my head and try to press the pressure back into my skull before it cracked me open. Thump, thump, thump, beat the bass as a hip-hop song blasted from the living room and the kids I'd gone to school with since kindergarten moved drunkenly against each other on the makeshift dance floor. Those who weren't dancing were clumsily tripping between rooms, giggling as they held themselves up against the walls.

I saw him, exactly the way I'd been remembering him each night as my eyes tried to close, each time I tried to let my head rest. I was so tired of the thoughts of him. His strong arm supported his built frame as he held out a red cup to be filled with the bubbly yellow liquid I'd never want to drink again.

"Koralee, we should go," Luke pleaded. I'd promised to take him to the party that night. God, what I wouldn't give to go back and beg him to stay home. He looked worried, eyeing me suspiciously as I pulled him in for another hug. I wasn't usually that affectionate, but something about the night was making me feel connected and happy in a way I didn't want to stop.

"What's that smell?" he asked. He wrinkled up his nose and pulled away from me.

I laughed. "It's a new perfume. Levi asked me to smell it before he gives it to Genny." She was going to love it. I'd never admit that I was jealous. I'd had the biggest crush on Levi since sixth grade, but he was the brother of one of my best friends, and for the past two years he'd been in a serious relationship with my other best friend, the third in our super-tight group that had been together since kindergarten. I'd always felt guilty for crushing on him, but I knew he was off-limits.

"What did he do, spray the whole bottle on you?" Luke shook his head and laughed.

"I'll get my purse," I answered, rolling my eyes. I felt almost giddy. I spotted some friends passing by and hugged them all before they moved on to another room.

"Dude, come here for a sec. They can't get the record to play. Can you fucking believe someone still has vinyl? I told them you could do it," our neighbor George enthusiastically told my brother. No one cared that I'd brought Luke to a senior-year party; he was the most popular guy in his own grade and had a bevvy of skills that made him useful. Like figuring out electronics.

"It's cool," I said as I waved to another kid over his shoulder. "I'll just say goodbye to a few people and get my purse from Levi's room. I'll meet you by the sound system when I'm done and we'll take off." I was never this friendly. I wasn't exactly an introvert, but I also didn't go out of my way to connect with everyone around me. It was odd to watch. I tried to remember how many drinks I'd had and could only recall the one Levi had handed me when I walked through the door. There had only been one, so why didn't I feel like myself?