Why Not Now?

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IT'S THE BEGINNING of November, but I'm greeted by a dump of fresh snow when I wake up this morning

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IT'S THE BEGINNING of November, but I'm greeted by a dump of fresh snow when I wake up this morning. My phone says it's below zero degrees and, despite my apartment being warm, I shiver.

Winter is not my favourite time of year. It's ridiculously long, cold, and miserable. This winter promises to be even worse, thanks to the dark pit of grief in my chest and the fear of being killed at any given moment. Thankfully, I haven't seen Selena or the infamous Jason lurking around so far, but I'm still anxious. I have no idea when they'll come to collect the money, but the idea that it can be any time is anxiety-inducing.

Along with all that, I still have classes to worry about. Midterms are right around the corner, and I am woefully behind. My professors have been understanding and are allowing me to make up the work I've missed, but I haven't been able to catch up between work, staying with Atlas, and studying. Even my sessions with Professor Langdon are falling behind. 

My one saving grace is Desiree. 

We're sitting at my kitchen table with our laptops, notes sprawled out around it. Studying at my parents' house is difficult, what with my mom's constant hovering and bustling. We tried but decided to stick to my apartment during the day. After I make the trek back to my parents' place. I feel a great deal more comfortable with Desiree in my apartment than being alone. And, despite being in the music program, Desiree is taking core requirements in her first year. Conveniently, we're both in the same English class but at different times. 

"So, did you guys have the quiz yet?" she asks, glancing up from her laptop. 

"Yeah, yesterday," I sigh, opening another article to look at. "Why is English literature a core requirement?"

Desiree shrugs an amused smile on her face when my phone pings. It's from Atlas.

Are you coming over?

I roll my eyes at the message and send my response.

I have to study... Midterms are next week, and Desiree is here to help me catch up.

I set my phone down and stretch out my limbs. I've been hunched over my laptop for a couple of hours now, and my body is protesting for a break. I comb a hand through my hair, which I've neglected to cut, and it's growing at an alarming rate. Atlas likes it, but it's getting to be a bother, although it's even more of a hassle going to get it cut.

"Do you want a snack? My mom has been keeping me stocked with wagon wheels because she knows you like them." 

My mom adores Desiree. I think she believes something is going on between us, and I let her have that notion. I'll tell her about Atlas one day, but my mom still hasn't gotten over Atlas' stint. She's made sure to keep my fridge full of Desiree's favourites, but none of mine. Typical.

"Yeah, sure. I'll take two, please," Desiree grins. 

I move to the kitchen, pulling out a bowl of ramen and a couple of wagon wheels. A strip of white leaning against the back of the cupboard catches my eye. My name is scrawled on it in Dan's familiar writing. He did have superior writing, unlike my scribbles.

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