Leather & Lace- THE SPECTER SERIES [book five]

Chapter TWENTY TWO

Lacey Paxton

"So, are we actually going to talk today, or are you just going to sit there playing with that thing?.."

You look up from the little puzzle cube to see Hadley's curious face, her honey-hazel eyes patiently fixed on you..

With a sigh, you lower the toy in your lap, resting it against the worn grey denim that covers your thighs, glancing around her moden office, the picture frames over on her desk filled with shots of smiling family and friends.. Her bookshelves filled with medical texts.. "Um.. Well.. He still hasn't come home.."

You already feel on the verge of tears, but you manage to hold onto your emotions.. "That must be difficult.." She leads gently, as you watch the sunlight bounce off her long cocoa curls and the glimmer of her bespoke rose-gold spectacles you find yourself wondering how she manages to keep her hair so shiny..

She is so elegant and put together.. And if you didn't know Hadley, you'd say it was effortlessly so.. But you're smart enough to know that not everything is as it appears.. She is only human, so you wouldn't insult her by presuming her life has been without its own challenges..

"Obviously.." You mutter sourly as she arches an amused brow..

"Ooh, sarcasm.. That's new.. Do you want to talk about why you're feeling so frustrated?"

Immediately regretting your snippy tone, you take a deep breath and nod.. "Yes.."

Tucking your mousy blonde bangs behind your ears, you nervously straighten the sleeves of your dark forest-green sweater as you knee bobbles up and down with tension from you absentmindedly tapping your foot..

You try to remind yourself of the reason you're here.. To talk.. To open up.. To grow.. To understand yourself better.. Or at least try to.. "Sometimes it feels like there are these -- benchmarks, or..I don't know, milestones, that people are just expected to meet.. But for me, it's like.. My milestones are all wrong.. Or all out of place and order.. Just chaos.. Like they aren't even really mine.."

Hadley nods, a shimmering ripple of light illuminating the caramel toned highlights of her mane.."I see.."

You struggle, searching for the right words, a way to express the sensation, rather than the cause or symptoms.. "Its - - It's like being locked in an empty waiting room, and being told to make yourself comfortable because somebody will be along shortly.."

She tilts her head to one side curiously..

You continue.. "But nobody ever comes and so the longer time goes on, you start wondering if you had just imagined the entire conversation... And I mean sure, once there, you have some freedom, you can scream and scratch at the door.. Or you can sit calmly and wait.. Whatever.. It doesn't make a difference, because no matter what you do you'll never really be comfortable.. You're not even choosing to stay there.. You're simply.. Stuck.. Making the most of a bad situation.."

Hadley listens intently, giving you her full, open attention, she doesn't scribble notes about you or make you feel judged.. Part of why you decided to allow her to therapize you, even though you had taken early classes together at med school, she was a few years ahead of you in training, and decades ahead in wisdom..

"Hm, making the most of a bad situation.. What do you mean by that?.. Can you give me a more specific example?.."

You dig at roots of the thought, trying your hardest to clear away the cuttered irrational doubts that try to disguise themselves among the rational ones.. "Specific? No.. I just think maybe.. I haven't been able to make my own decisions.. And I think for a time that was probably for the best.. I know that I needed the help.. But because of that, I've always just been a passenger in my own life.. I still am.."