Coal and Firewood

Chapter Two

Waking up from a nightmare is something I'm familiar with. They've been present in my life ever since my father's death and became gradually worse after everything that I experienced these last years. It always takes me a while to recover, the seconds when I'm trapped between a woke and sleeping state are usually the worst, the confusion of not knowing what's real that follows until I can place myself in the environment around me, fighting through my tears, is excruciating. Except this time when I wake up screaming, I can't identify where I am.

Struggling to see in the darkness, I realize that I'm not in my living room and this unsettles me. I'm about to get up and try to escape whatever place this is, when I feel two hands on my shoulders, holding me down. I use all of my strength to push them away from me, desperation taking over my senses, but I'm not strong enough, so I dig my nails into the stranger's forearms, trying to get loose. The person talks to me, but I can't make out the words, my heartbeat pounding in my ears. My eyes grow accustomed to the little light in the room and Johanna's face comes slowly into focus.

"It's ok," I recognize her voice "You're ok. Listen, you're Katniss Everdeen, you're eighteen years old, you're in your room in district 12," she reassures me, her hands now on each of my arms "I'm Johanna Mason, I got to your house yesterday." I calm down slightly, noticing that she is right, this is my room. Still shaking, I recall the events of the previous evening and, suddenly, the scene if front of me starts to make sense. I nod to let her know I understand and let go of the grip I had on her forearms. As I try to sit up, she lets go of me too and sits by my side.

I notice the small marks that I left on her skin. "I'm sorry" I say, rubbing my eyes in an attempt to see more clearly.

"Been worse." she replies. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." I shiver, flashes of the horrors dancing behind my eyelids.

"Ok." She thinks for a while. "Do you want me to tell you where I was before I came to 12?"

So she remembers. One thing Johanna learned about me is that, after I have a nightmare, I'm usually far too anxious to fall asleep. Back in 13, she used to distract me, telling me her most interesting stories, until my mind slowed down enough. I nod, because I could really use the distraction and I'm also genuinely curious to know where she spent these last months. She lies back down and I follow right after.

"I was in district 4" she tells me. "You must have got the letter Annie sent you with the picture of Leo." I smile at this, thinking about the little boy that has his mother's auburn hair and his father's sea green eyes. Kaleo, the letter said, was born this spring, a very health and curious baby. I had no idea Johanna had been there. "I went to 4 after the war ended when I found out she was pregnant."

"And how was it?" I ask.

"Terrible!" this caught me off guard, so I turn to my side to look at her. "No, seriously," she continues, her eyes glued to the ceiling "there's so much water everywhere." Oh, that's right. "It rains so fucking much and it's always so fucking hot, I don't know how people stand to live there. It was like being back at the Quell, except this time the person I was looking after was actually pregnant," she turns to the side to face me "and also mentally unstable."

"Aren't we all mentally unstable?"

"You know what I mean" she sighs. "Look, Annie is great, really. I just don't have the patience it takes to deal with her and, let me add, the pregnancy hormones didn't exactly make it any easier."

"Then why did you stay there, if you hated it so much?"

"I had to," she lowers her voice a little bit "I promised him I would take care of her, in case anything happened. And Annie really needed help, so I made an effort. But I'm pretty sure I have enough good karma to last for the rest of my life."