Married to the Northerner

30

My hands froze mid-way as I stopped breathing. I thought we moved on from this, but it seems as if I was wrong. I managed to forget about that incident and finally move on, but Nathaniel decided to talk about it.

For days, there was nothing more I wished than talking about this problem as husband and wife, but us avoiding each other seemed to make that task nearly impossible.

"There is nothing to apologize for. You said what you felt and it was the truth. Love is something so pure and should come naturally, not be forced."

"What if I had lied?"

My breath got stuck in my throat and my eyes nearly bulged out of my sockets at his words. He must have felt my heart beating rapidly, as his hand soothingly ran through my hair.

"Please don't say words that you don't mean. I am not a child and I understand if you do not love me. By saying something false and bringing my hope up will be more painful than your rejection."

"What if I mean every word I say?"

I couldn't take his questions anymore. Either he says what he thinks or he doesn't. He must have felt my impatience as his hands moved from my hair to grazing my cheeks.

"Please stop beating around the bush, Nathaniel."

"You have heard of your parent's love story, but for me, I haven't seen love nor heard of it. My mother taught me that love is a trap that ruins one's life. I saw it with my eyes, as my father's love for his former lover ruined the lives of my mother and me. As a boy who yearned for a normal family, I was angered by the thought of love, as it ruined my family.

When I was arranged to wed you, all I saw was a proposal for the betterment of my people. I needed an heir anyway and it couldn't have been a more fitting time. I promised myself to treat my wife with respect and care, but not love."

I felt a panic within me, that maybe Nathaniel was just explaining his reason for not loving me. I stopped his explanation, not wanting to hear more. He wanted an heir and there was nothing more to it.

"I'll perform my duties as your wife and the Queen to this kingdom by providing you with an heir. There is no need to make me think that you love me, just for me to perform those duties."

His jaw clenched slightly, but his face softened when he looked at me. He lifted my chin and bored his eyes into my misted ones.

"Avani, I know I have done you many wrongs and it gives you no reason to trust, or even love me, but please let me explain. I may- no I know I hurt you, but trust me that I would never utter a lie to you."

I let his words sink in and nodded my head for him to continue. I realized the truthfulness of his words and the sudden realization that after everything that happened I love him just as much, if not more than before.

When I saw you in the wedding dress for the first time, my breath stilled and I felt a longing in my heart. It was something beyond me, something spiritual. I wanted to shower you with all my affection and protect you from all harm. I wanted to get rid of the sadness on your face and never be a reason for a single tear that you shed from those beautiful brown eyes.

I knew avoiding you would be pointless, but when I noticed that you feared me, it felt as if someone stabbed my heart. When you told me about your past, it was too much for me to handle. I was scared, I was new to love and it seemed you were new to life outside those castle walls.

I avoided you for days, thinking it was in your best interest. It's daft, but I thought that I wouldn't be able to hurt you if you weren't attached to me. I know it is immature of me, but seeing you so close to Tommy I felt jealousy. I wanted you to smile at my jokes not his, I wanted you to look at me with happiness shining in your eyes.

I decided then, that I would try to win your heart back. My affection for you is tremendous, so was my respect for you. I wanted to keep you happy from now onwards, no matter what it takes.

When I learned of your unlawful imprisonment, for the second time in my life I felt scared. Seeing your frail state again, I feared I will lose you so soon."

"I was to survive that imprisonment. You saved me in a matter of days."

"Not physical loss, rather your soul. I was scared that you would be damaged beyond repair, but seeing your improvements in a matter of days I felt delighted.

When you proposed your love to me a part of me yearned to say it back. Another part, the part which learned to be heartless couldn't muster the courage to say it back. I didn't know whether what I felt for you was love then, but I know it sure felt like it.

When we talked to my mother I was angered by her selfish words. I wanted to prove to her that I had not changed from being her heartless son.

When I saw the change in expression on your face, I knew I made a grave mistake. I searched endlessly for you and was relieved when Killian informed me of your stay with Alaina.

I wanted nothing more than to apologize to you and reciprocate my feelings to you, but I saw how hurt you were. I knew I needed to give you space and I didn't want you to think my feelings were forced.

Being apart from you, I realized your value to me. The few weeks we've known each other, you are more important than life itself. It was then I realized what I felt for you was nothing, but pure unconditional love.

I'll understand if you lost your feelings for me or can't accept mine after I hurt and humiliated you, but please know that I won't stop loving you until my last breath. I love you, Avani."

Tears escaped my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. I felt his thumb swipe at them as my lips wobbled. I looked into his drop blue eyes, seeing them so exposed for the first time. All I saw was love, nothing else.

"Please say something."

He whispered and all I could do was kiss him at that moment. No words can ever match those of what he said. I wanted to show him my love for him. I didn't want the hate and mistakes of our past to ruin our future. He loves me and I love him. It was as simple as that.

His own lips ferociously tangled with my own as I submitted to him. His tongue danced in my mouth as my body laid under his. I detached my lips from his for a moment and stared into his eyes.

"I love you too, Nathan."

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The chapter I'm guessing many of you have been waiting for!