Married to the Northerner

37

Nathaniel's warm, large hands gently caressed my swollen stomach, as he placed gentle butterfly kisses down my neck. I hummed in approval, as he tilted his head upwards to lock our lips. We part to take a breath when I saw his eyes that showed love and adoration turn into a vile emotion.

I felt myself being transported to the castle's main hall, back in Alasia, as I see Nathaniel being wedded to my step-sister. I felt tears roll down my face and look down to see my baby bump gone and wearing an old dress of my, that looked more like a rag. 

I woke up with my hair stuck to my face by the sweat and tears. I've been having the same nightmare ever since I moved out of the castle. As promised, Nathaniel organized a group of maids and soldiers to send me to an estate.

Freedom is what I always craved, yet now I despise it. My life has been nothing but misery and the only thing helping me stay strong is my child growing in me. I caress my fairly large baby bump and a ghosted smile forms when I feel my son's or daughter's kick.

I was destined to leave the morning after that dreadful night, but in those few hours, I knew of my mistake. Nathaniel banished his mother from Nordfjord and warned that if she returns she will be imprisoned.

At that moment, I realized that I never gave Nathaniel a chance to explain and assumed everything myself. Like a fool, I fell for my mother in laws trap and ruined my marriage. I couldn't retire for the night and went to search for Nathaniel.

He was outside in the garden, where we made love not even a day ago. He tilted his head up to see this night sky, yet his eyes were closed. I approached him slowly, not wanting to wake him up if he is asleep.

Nathan's eyelids open and I freeze a few steps away from him. Sadness and longing fill them and I crouch down towards him.

"Nathan, I'm sor-"

"Don't, just don't apologize."

"Why shouldn't I? I didn't let you speak and explain yourself. I- I said all those hateful words to you. I'm sorry."

"Anyone in your place would have done that. I'm not going to blame you for that. I knew something was wrong when I noticed all the royal and noblewomen. I should have been smarter, but instead I- I."

He seemed to snap out of his daze and look at me once again.

"You should get some rest. You would leave early at sunrise."

His voice was void of any emotions, as was his handsome face and beautiful eyes.

"I don't want to leave you, Nathaniel."

I whisper back as tears escape my eyes and stream down my cheeks. He closed his eyes as if it was physically painful to say the next words.

"I can't have you resent me like that, even for a moment. It's too painful. You have to have trust in yourself, trust in me, trust in this marriage and for that to happen you need to be given the choice."

"I do choose to stay in this marriage, Nathaniel."

"Avani, every time a hurdle occurs, you panic and say things you don't mean."

"You're mother was the only hurdle we had. She wanted to ruin our marriage, but now she's gone."

"Today it's my mother and tomorrow it can be someone else. I have so many enemies Avani and you are my greatest strength and weakness. If anything happens to you or you utter harsh words, I'll be as good as dead. I can't go through that and I can't see you go through such a lack of trust. Just for a few weeks, experience the freedom and the "

I knew he had a point and I couldn't be the reason behind his pain. A part of me knew that I had to be stronger and more independent, even if it for a while for the sake of myself, the man I love, and our unborn child.

"Nathaniel."

He looked at me expectantly and I grabbed his arm, bringing it to my abdomen. It took him a second to comprehend what was happening, but once he did, he looked up at me, tears filling his eyes.

"Avani, are- are you carrying our child?"

His voice was hoarse and I knew if I opened my mouth, I'll begin sobbing. I simply nodded my head, smiling with true happiness, while tears filled my eyes thinking of our short separation.

He seemed quiet, debating in his head on what to do next. I knew what I had to do for the betterment of my family and those that I love.

"Nath-Nathan, I want to be stronger and learn to have faith. I rather do it now before my problems affect our child's life when he or she is there."

I took his silence as a cue to leave and walked towards my room. My things were packed and I felt the reality of the situation overwhelm me. Eventually, I cry myself to sleep.

He wasn't there the next morning to bid me farewell. I knew this was only temporary, but I waited and waited to see if my husband would show up. I set myself up for disappointment and saddled myself on top of Stormy.

The day I arrived at the large Estate, I wrote a letter to Nathaniel, not wanting to end our communication altogether. I never got the response, but I never stopped writing, that is until three months have passed of me being cooped up in a room feeling pity for myself.

I came here to help myself be a stronger woman for my child and at that moment I knew I would. Slowly, but eventually, I began being more independent, cautious, yet gaining trust and admiration in myself.

It didn't mean I was hurting, because I was. At night, I had the same nightmare and woke up sweating and panting. I haven't heard of Nathaniel and with my due date nearing, I couldn't travel to the castle.

I knew Nathaniel wouldn't abandon me, abandon our child, but now I was unsure. I often thought, what if something bad happened to him, but Alina rest assured me that he is fine. I haven't seen Killian either, in these past few months and I knew something must have been going on.

I felt my child kick and smile, rubbing the area gently. All I can think about is that Nathaniel is missing this. I want to be strong for my child, but it's scary to do this all alone.

The day proceeded to be as eventless as the day before and before that. I was out plucking berries from a bush when I felt wetness on my should. I looked up at the sky to see the grey clouds quickly taking over the sunlight.

The rain started pouring down and I grabbed the basket, quickly heading towards the estate. It was hard to see by now and exhausting, but I knew I couldn't risk falling ill right now. I felt myself slip on the muddy terrain and fall backwards.

I landed with a thud and pain shot through my whole body. I touched my abdomen and felt my child move relentlessly. I felt something wet exit me and looked down to see my white dress have a red spot.

I knew I had to ignore the pain I felt and walk towards the estate for help. Mustering up all my power I got up and waddled towards the place. I felt my vision go hazy just as the shadow of the huge building came to my view.

I stumbled towards it when I saw the back of a large figure. I collided and collapsed by it, just as I heard a familiar voice call out my name.