The Devil's Duchess

Chapter Forty -One

Yeah I didn't listen to my brain,I was supposed to tell him to get out of the house and never come back but I couldn't,I spent months grieving and thinking about his return,I know I should be hating him with everything in me but it's not easy to get over someone I have such a complicated past with,no matter how hard I try I can't get him out of my head, he's like a damn parasite.

Why do I keep hurting myself like this? Why do I always make horrible decisions even though I know the consequences? I guess for the fun of it.

"You what?"He asks while approaching me cautiously,as if he's trying not to scare me.

"I missed you Kingston"I repeat,my chin quivering as I struggle to hold the tears in.

Why does this feel so overwhelming and wrong but at the same time so relieving and right? I feel like a lunatic with all these mood swings,I don't know if I really miss him or am I just going through a rollercoaster of emotion right now.

He stares at me in confusion until the words finally sink in."I knew it"He whispers under his breath before marching towards me.

Back away,back away don't give in so easily,you still have time to back away and go upstairs.

Just when I was about to chicken out and run up the stairs,his hands grabbed my waist and pulled me in his embrace.

There's no turning back now...I shouldn't have done this.

"Please forgive me Adelaine, I will make it up to you I promise,just give me a chance"He whispers in my ear,the sadness and desperateness in his voice making my heart sink.

Don't give in, don't give in he doesn't deserve it,he should suffer just like I suffered,why is it so hard for me to hurt someone the same way they hurt me? Am I really that weak?

"I know I hurt you a lot and I know you suffered because of me but I promise I'll never do it again...Please duchess,will you please give me a second chance?".

I hold my breath in,my mind racing as I think about the question,if I say no I'll feel bad,but if I say yes I'm giving him another chance to emotionally wreck me.

"Don't ovethink it, please just give me one more chance,I won't mess it up I swear to God,I want to get closer to you and take responsibility for my actions,I want to show you that I changed"He pulls away and takes my face in his hands, gently caressing my cheeks.

"I know there's still that spark from months ago,I can feel it in my heart,it still skips a beat when I see you,you can't lie and say you don't feel the same way"I swallow hard and look away.

Of course I feel the same way,I thought I was over it but the feelings came flooding back as soon as I saw him at the park, that's the whole reason I came down here to tell him I missed him, I felt an ounce of hope for a second,now I regret doing even getting out of my room,if I admit that I feel everything he feels I'll only drag myself deeper into this mess.

Just say no and walk back upstairs, can't be that hard, right?

Right.

I gather all my courage and make eye contact with him,just now noticing how distant and bloodshot his eyes really are,by looking at them I can tell this is affecting him more than it's affecting me, he looks exactly the way I looked when I found out he left that night,I guess it took him time to realize what he's done.

I grieved for so long, finally got better, was ready to move on with my life and he decided to show up, grieving and falling apart after being perfectly fine all these months,safe to say he's dragging me in a hole I barely crawled out of.

"I don't feel a spark Kingston, I don't feel anything"I lie and look away.

Nice going Adelaine,now it's obvious you're lying.

"Lie! That's a lie and you know it".

"Kingston don't stress her out even more,did you forget about her condition? Fibromyalgia? You want her to be in even more pain?"Nasius warns him and he looks at me pleadingly, his eyes becoming brighter and his shoulders relaxing

"I just keep messing up over and over again huh? I'm a walking mess"He forces a smile and looks down at his feet.

"If you really can't find a way to forgive me at least don't take my kids away from me, that's all I have left,I can start a new chapter with them and be a better person,I can also prove to you that I'm serious about making things right,I hate myself for what I did and I know that my apology means nothing now that the damage is done but at least think about it".

He says and looks up,his eyes sad again.

What the hell am I doing?

I feel horrible.

And to think I wanted to give birth and move far from him, I would take Evander with me and leave him with nothing but his empty nursery, what the hell is the matter with me? I'm being selfish,just like he was,he was only saving himself and didn't bother thinking how his decision would affect people around him, I'm acting exactly the same right now.

"If I truly make you feel horrible I'll leave...Until tomorrow, because I'm not giving up on us no matter what anyone says, even you,you can lie all your want but I know deep down you're just scared to forgive me because it would be like giving me a second chance to mess up,but I would never do that,I would never do that again duchess"He leans in and plants a kiss on my forehead,for some reason I embraced it instead of pulling away.

Obvious reason.

"I will go now, I'm sorry for disturbing your peace"He whispers in my ear and takes a step back to look at me."And I forgot to say you look absolutely beautiful, pregnancy suits you"He compliments me and looks at my bump,a small smile forming on his lips.

For the love of God.

I wrap my hands around my belly and sigh in frustration."I hate you,but fine, you're allowed to show me you've changed,only for the kids,not for me,I won't take you back either way,I just want to make sure you'll be a good father to them"He looks at me, shocked as much as I am by my decision.

"Really?"He asks as his eyes sparkle brightly,it amazes me how fast his mood can shift and how easy it is to notice.

He looks so happy now....Damnit

"Really, prove that you can be a good father, that's all I want,I want my kids to feel that fatherly love like I did,if you can't do that then you know where the doors are".

I don't know if it bothers him that I refer to Evander as my son but I couldn't care less, that boy is so little and has already been abandoned by both of his parents, actually even worse,they left then came back hoping to continue living normally,I wonder how they'll explain all this to him once he grows up.

"Thank God! Thank you so much duchess,I promise I won't let you down"He grins and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek, catching me by surprise.

"Don't ever do that-".

"I'll buy both of them everything they need, I'll set the nursery if it hasn't been set yet and I'll bring the divorce papers by tomorrow".

I arch my eyebrow."Divorce papers? Oh but I'm not getting a divorce, I'm sticking to being Nasius's wife".