The journalist's footballer (Rúben Dias)

Chapter Thirteen

Rúben

Christina and I use our walk to talk about our childhoods. Growing up in Portugal and London is very different and I'm fascinated by some of her stories.

"I still didn't know how to swim when we moved to Brighton because I went to one class and a boy pushed me in the pool and scared me. But if you think that stopped me from getting in the sea after an argument with my sister, you'll be mistaken", she says laughing.

"But if you didn't know how to swim, you could have drowned?", I say, somehow worried about her even though she's standing next to me.

"Oh, it was terrible. I was a tiny little thing too, so the first wave I saw covered me completely. But my dad was by my side immediately and took me out of the water. The next time we went to the beach he made it his mission to teach me how to swim and then they couldn't get me out of the water".

"That's quite the story", I say, laughing at the image of mini Christina causing so much chaos.

"Well, I'm a fascinating woman. What can I say?"

Yes, you are.

After I get her the coffee I had promised, we find a bench to sit on and carry on talking. Until her phone rings.

"It's Matty", she says, and I can see the hope in her face.

"Answer it, I'll wait here".

"Hey", I hear her say when she is leaving. She's not too far, but far enough to make it hard for me to hear.

I want her to fix this. Not just because I don't really see Matty as competition, but because I can see how much she's hurting because of him.

"I...I can't", I hear her say. "I'm in Manchester right now".

I brace myself for the reaction to those words.

She turns to look at me and says "yes, I am with him".

I can see in her eyes that she's also getting ready for his reaction.

Christina

"Hey, how are you?", I ask Matty, relieved to see he's the one willing to talk.

"I'm ok. I was just thinking about you and how I've been an absolute dick".

"Yeah, well. I won't deny that", I say with a sad laugh. "Matty, I get your reaction but you have also been incredibly unfair to me".

"I know. And I want to fix it".

"I want to fix it too. I hate being mad at you".

He takes a second to talk again.

"How about we meet today? We can have some lunch, maybe go to a movie. And just pretend nothing happened".

It's not the first time he does this. When it's him messing up, we forget and move on. When it's me messing up, there are comments about it until the end of time. I ignore it, though. My will to make things right is stronger but...well, he didn't want any lies. So here we go.

"I...I can't. I'm in Manchester".

"In Manchester. Are you...with Rúben?"

I turn to look at Ruben, who is still sitting on the bench, looking at me. "Yes, I am with him".

I turn away again and walk a little bit further. "But it's not what you are imagining".

"Let me guess", he says with a bitter tone. "He invited you to his match".

"Yes, he did. He's going to be gone with the team most of the time I'm here, and I'll go see his match tomorrow".

I only hear his laugh, but it's not the Matty laugh I love, it's full of sarcasm. "Matty..."

"Did the invitation to his match also come with an invitation to his bed?"

"What the fuck, Matty? Are you serious?", I say, not being able to believe what he is saying.

"Well, you'll have to pay for that ticket, right?"

I can't believe this is my Matty. The one that hugged me and stroked my hair when I cried because I thought I wasn't going to be able to pay next week's rent on time. The one who offered to help me find the professor I couldn't contact to get a good reference for a job. That Matty is not this Matty.

"You don't mean that", I say, giving him the chance to take it all back.

"I do".

"So...that's what you are doing? The moment you think you have lost me for another guy, who I'm not even involved with no matter what you say, you turn on me? I guess Sarah was right".

"I don't believe anything you say anymore, Christina", he says, not even listening to what I'm saying.

"Was it all a lie, then? All the months pretending to be my friend and pretending that you gave a shit about me?"

When he doesn't answer I raise my voice, I don't care who hears it. "Tell me, Matthew! Was it all a fucking lie?"

"Maybe I was just trying to get in your pants like Rúben is", he says and hangs up.

I'm stuck in place. I can't even move from how much his words have hurt me. I don't care if he just said those things because he was hurt. I don't care if he meant them or not. Now there really is no turning back.

"Christina?"

Rúben's voice gets me out of my state and I turn to look at him.

"Come here", he says, opening his arms so I can hug him. I close my eyes, refusing to let the tears fall for someone who hurt me like this. But I don't know how long I'll be able to manage it.