thirty seven - guilty

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Contains depressive themes and mentions of abuse!

June 19th 1993.

I swung open the front door the second it rung, smiling widely at Michael who stood there in the same purple uniform he was wearing on Thursday, a tired grin on his face.

I let him in, walking behind him into the kitchen area again. He tossed his toolbox on the table, turning around to face me with a long silver cable in his hand.

"I got a new one." He grinned. "Just for you."

Oh how I'd missed his jokes, his little remarks on everything. I missed every single thing about him.

I walked over to the kettle, switching it on, gesturing to Mike who was crouching on the floor beside the oven. "You want a coffee? You don't look like you sleep enough."

He chuckled. "A coffee would be helpful, whoever invented night shifts should burn in hell."

I loved how we thought the exact same way, it made me laugh slightly. "Night shift? Do you work both day and night?" I questioned softly, the kettle coming to a boil. I started mixing in the coffee powder with the water in two mugs, Michael shrugged behind me as he stood up.

"Money's getting tight lately, had to take an extra job but I usually work through the night anyway, either as a guard or something." He explained with a sigh, I nodded, handing him the fresh mug of coffee.

"Night guard huh? I wonder what crazy shit you see." I giggled in response, Michael shrugged again with a light chuckle.

"Not much, just usually kids tryna sneak into the building I'll be supervising or old men sleeping on the doorstep." He replied softly, taking a sip from his drink. I nodded again, chewing on my lip. "And maybe some inappropriate stuff too."

I chuckled lightly but the mood quickly died down, both our expressions serious.

The room filled with silence, only the squealing of children echoing from outside the building. I sat down on a bar stool, sipping at my coffee slowly.

It was probably the best time to ask him about what happened before. Terry was at work, Nick was out of sight and I didn't start my shift until tomorrow night. Michael did say himself he owed an explanation.

"I-I still don't understand what happened when I left, did everything... really get that bad?" I asked again quietly, Michael took a deep breath, his hands coming to a stop on the oven.

"It- it uhm, yeah..." He ran his hand through his hair, a shaky sigh escaping his mouth. "I guess you could say that."

I tilted my head. "You wanna tell me what happened?"

Michael took a deep breath, standing up and facing me. He put down his pair of pliers in his toolbox before sitting down on a stool beside me, sighing heavily as he ran his hands down his face.

"A- a lot went down Y/N... to be honest it's really hard to remember everything but there are a lot of moments I won't forget." He replied with a sigh, looking down at the floor. "When you told me we had to break up it was like- like as if my entire life had shattered in front of me. I really loved you then, you meant so much to me. I was really disappointed that you didn't want that to stay. I knew you probably wanted to break up because of your past with boys and shit but- I was really hurt as much as I tried to ignore it.

I couldn't concentrate in school, I didn't show up at the diner. I got in a lot of fights with my father, I always ended up running away to Henry with a bleeding nose, or arm, or leg, or everything. My self esteem got even more shitter than it already was and I just- I thought that everything was my fault, and that I didn't deserve you. Even Elizabeth started getting worried about me, I was so fucked up even she tried to help."

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