We see Blitz in his office playing with dolls based off of his employees (except Loona).
Blitz (as Millie): "Oh Blitz, you're such a good boss."
Blitz (as Moxxie): "Yeah, I really want you sir."
Blitz (as Y/N): "I second that."
Blitz (as Millie): "Me three!"
Blitz: "Let's fourway..."
He says as he moves the dolls down to his crotch area with a very disturbed actual Y/N at the door.
Y/N: "Is this what you do when nobody's around?"
Blitz: "FUCK! Why didn't you knock!?"
Y/N: "I did. You were just tunnel vision on... whatever the hell this is."
Blitz's phone rings and he angrily answers.
Blitz: "WHAT!?"
Stolas: "Why, hello my... big d*cked Blitzy..."
Blitz spits out his coffee and Y/N chokes on his out spit.
Blitz: "What-"
Y/N: "The-"
Both: "FUCK?"
Stolas: "Language, everyone! I have a special request..."
Blitz: "Ugh. Look, I just had a chemical peel, so you're gonna have to find someone else's face to plant that feathered ASS."
Stolas: "...It's for my daughter."
Blitz: "Ah. Well, make sure she washes it."
Stolas: "No! No. No, no, no. I'm taking my daughter to Loo Loo Land, and I was hoping you brave little Imps would accompany us!"
Blitz: "We're assassin's. Not bodyguards, k? Don't invite us to shit, unless someone's gonna die."
Stolas: "I'll pay you..."
Blitz: "Pay me what?"
Stolas: "Money..."
Blitz: "DONE!"
He hangs up and slams his phone on the desk. Then he pulls out a megaphone and calls for everybody.
Blitz: "M&M, Y/N! Get in here, we're going to Loo Loo Land!"
Y/N: "I'm right here."
Moxxie: "Loo Loo Land?"
Millie: "LOO LOO LAND!?"
Blitz: "LOO LOO LAND!"
Loona: "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
Skip to at Loo Loo Land.
Moxxie opens the door for a very cramped Stolas and his daughter to get out. When everyone is out they walk through the gates.
Blitz: "Now remember, this is work, and work only. Me and my crew aren't here to satisfy your perverted BIRD needs, alright?"
Octavia: "Hey, Dad. Do we have t-"
Blitz: "Ok, hold it right there sweetie."
He turns his attention to Stolas
Blitz: "If you try fuckin my little ass in that park, I swear t-"
Stolas: "You are so cute when you are serious."
Y/N/Octavia: "I'm gonna throw up."/ "I'm literally gonna be sick."
Moxxie: "Oh, crumbs. I knew today would be a lot, what do you need? Anti-acids, Ibuprofen, morphine?"
Y/N: "It was a figure of speech, Moxxie."
Moxxie: "Oh, right... hehe."
He says as he throws the stuff he pulled out into a stroller with a baby in it.
Moxxie: "But they said it was literal."
Millie: "Wow! I haven't been to this place since I was a tot! It hasn't changed a bit... OH! LOOK! It's big Woobly!"
Y/N: "What the fuck even is that?"
Moxxie: "That is... deeply upsetting."
Millie: "Oh come on! It's fun! You two have never been here?"
Y/N: "I just died like a week ago, Millie."
Millie: "Oh yeah. But what about you, Mox?"
Moxxie: "No. Theme parks always disturbed me. Especially the mascots."
As he says that the mascot comes up to them
Loo Loo: "Well, hey there!"
Moxxie: "AH!"
Loo Loo: "I'm Loo Loo! Welcome to Loo Loo Land! If y'all get hurt here, just try and sue us!"
Stolas: *gasp* "Look, Via! It's Loo Loo!"
Octavia: "I have a question."
Loo Loo: "Well, ask away little girly!"
He says as he does his goofy ass laugh
Octavia: "Is it true that this park is just a really shameless spin-off of Lucifer's far more popular 'Loo Loo World'?"
Loo Loo: "...No."
Octavia: "This place REEKS of insecure corporate shame..."
Y/N: "Heh, nice one."
Octavia: "Thanks."
Stolas: "Hehe... Why don't we go check out the rides?"
He says as he pulls Octavia away
Loo Loo: "That chick's creepy, huh?"
Blitz: "Eh, wait till her Dad tries to diddle your holes."
Loo Loo: "What's that mean?"
Y/N: "Means he's gonna try and fuck you."
Loo Loo: "Oh."
Moxxie: "Don't talk to me! I know you're a pervert under there."
They all walk away leaving him alone
Loo Loo: "Yeah..."
Back to the crew
Moxxie: "You really like this place, huh?"
Millie: "I love this place! My parents would bring me and my siblings here when they could swing it. Money wise."
Moxxie: "Yeah. The prices do seem rather criminal. I mean, THAT much for a novelty cup that you use ONE time?"
Millie: "Cuz it's Loo Loo Land!"
Y/N: "And probably cuz we're in the Greed ring."
Blitz walks over with a bunch of merch
Blitz: "Listen to your hoes, Mox. How bout I take the first watch while you three have a little fun?"
Y/N:
Millie: "OOH! We gotta do my favorite ride!"
Y/N: "That can be taken out of context."
Moxxie: "Oh yeah? W-which one?"
She drags them to one called "The Lawsuit". Long story short by the end of it Moxxie was throwing up into a trash can.
YOU ARE READING
Ice Cold Sinner. (Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel X Male Reader)
FanfictionY/N was your average 24 year-old. Taller than average, liked videogames, had a stable job, killed a man. Y'know. Ordinary stuff. One day he was taking a walk outside and passed by the local arcade. He decided to play some games. After whooping some...