Loving Angel

•·.·'26'·.·•

Eli and Jacob are on both besides me. The three of us sit on the same grass I apologized to.

It's calm, quiet, and the endless river sparkles.

"So, what did you learn?" I look over at Eli. She looks so pretty. Here, her face isn't covered in bruises. And she doesn't look sad like she used to.

My head turns to my other side and I look at Jacob. He just stares at the view beyond us. He also looks different, no longer anxious. Just relaxed.

My eyes look at the bright water and take in a deep breath, "Many things Eli...too many to put in one"

"How do your brothers treat you?" Eli asks as her slightly bigger hand grabs mine to hold.

A big smile froms on my lips. "Good!" Happiness fills me up from head to toe.

"What...what about your Mother" Jacob turns to look at me, his blue eyes sparkling.

My smile stays unwavering. The smell of the grass mixed with the coldness of the river involves my senses.

"Mother wasn't a good person Jacob..." I look down at mine and Eli's connected hands, and with my other hands I gently grab Jacobs. Tightly holding them just in case they disappear.

"She never loved me the way I loved her, and even if she did, all my memories of her are ones I would rather forget"

Jacob closes his eyes and slowly blinks them open. "Do you regret it? Loving her?" He quietly asks.

"For a long time I did. It made me feel disgusting that I was someone who was able to love who a horrible person" I breath in a huge breath.

"Then that would turn into guilt. 'She is my mother, I should love her no matter what' or no matter how much I would hate her a small part of me still had love for her. It was like a battle. It hurt"

"Then what changed? Do you not care she treated you badly anymore?" Jacobs eyebrows scrunch together in confusion.

"I've have a long time to think Jacob. But what I was really able to come to perms with was that, it was okay. The way I felt was normal. That was something I couldn't accept back then. I couldn't accept all the emotions so I hated myself for things I had no control of"

"But my brothers...thanks to them I was able heal. It really felt like they were sanding down my rough edges!" I say with a small laugh.

I move my feet side to side, "I learned that love is not hitting or keeping someone in a basement"

I look over at my two friends, "Love is so pretty, like the sun!"

"Like the sun?" Eli looks at me with curiosity.

"Yeah...Every person gives different kinds of love. Mothers love was too hot, it burned me. But my brothers is warm and bright! Is just different, so we shouldn't be too harsh on ourselves when we let it hurt us"

"I stayed out on the sun for too long because I wanted to play, my skin burned so I went back home, healed and now i'm fine. Yes, is rude of the sun to do that to me and I did blame myself for not going home earlier but i'm fine now! no need for more regret"

I feel both Eli's and Jacobs hold loosen. Then both of them stand up and make me do so too.

"Is-is something wrong?" I look at them with worried eyes.

Eli looks at me with small smile. One of innocent happiness.

"Thank you Angelica" Her eyes grow smaller as her smile widens.

"What...for what?" I find myself raising my voice a little with worry.

"For teaching us" Jacob says for her.

"Teaching you guys what?" The wind gets louder so I have to scream for them to hear.

They mouth something and let my hands go, but I'm not ready to let them leave me again.

"No!" I say and hold they're wrists.

"T-teach you what..."

Eli slowly let's go of Jacobs hand and steps closer to me. She puts both her hands around my ears and her voice is heard.

My eyes gloss over.

Eli steps back and holds Jacobs hand again. Her and Jacobs hair is flying with the wind.

And for the last time I take a good look at them.

Eli, Jacob, my friends.

With a sad smile I scream, "Eli! Jacob! Are you happy now?"

They smile at me. And with that smile, I know the answer. They don't have to say it.

"Bye" I whisper.

With the cold wind they disappear.

My eyes fly open.

I'm met with the sight of the white ceiling of my room.

Did I just dream?

I feel something on my face. My hand touches my cheeks. Why am I crying?

I sit up on my bed and look out the big window. Then it all comes flowing back to me. Eli's words.

'loving someone is like loving the sun'

"We...we shouldn't regret loving someone" I whisper to myself.

A trembly smile appears on my lips.

I place my shaky hands against my face as the tears freely fall. I sob. Not from fear, or from sadness, but because I'm finally at peace.

Once the sun is up and Nanny comes in with a smile I get ready, run downstairs, and before I leave to school, I tell my brothers something I would never had imagined myself saying out loud to someone,

"I love you!"