Ink & Lust (On HIATUS)

Chapter Five

Chapter Five ~ Sin creeps in!

When sin creeps in, how
bad can a good girl get?
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Glancing up at the clock on the wall, I watch as the hands continue ticking, counting down the time until I make a fool of myself and my career on the internet. But Addison said this was going to be easy... I mean, she didn't exactly say it was going to be easy-easy, writing an ad for something I want to keep my identity anonymous as, was the 'kinda' hard part. I didn't want the public to know that erotic writer 'Exoticlina' was the respectful daughter of Mr and Mrs Kolton Richards, Avalina Kolton Richards. What would then become of my Scientist father and Prosecutor mom? Dad might not care, but mom? She'll rave on and on about my passion like a mad woman.

Sitting down in front of my laptop, a thought crossed my mind. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to take up on Addison's offer. Despite her suggestion to wait for her guidance tomorrow, impatience gnawed at me. Boy, I couldn't wait. Delay was bad, and in this situation I'm in with David and my readers, Delay was fucking dangerous. My fingers hovered across the keys, I was at a loss – unsure of what to write and how to even begin. Fuck. "Come on, Come on!!!" I grunt "Focus, goddammit! You're a writer for fucks sake! What's an ad that you can't conjure?" I berated myself, " What's an ad that I can't conjure... fucking everything!

The cursor blinked, taunting me. I was nervous My mind raced with possibilities that this decision of mine could end up mirroring last time, and suddenly I was thinking against it. Maybe this wasn't the right thing to do. The fear of a ghostwriter stealing not just my ideas but the essence of my recent work was scary enough. If this happens, I would die. This was no ordinary piece of writing – it held the key to my becoming the next Penelope Douglas, Rina Kent, or Tahereh Mafi. Not to mention Ana Huang...those women paint the town red with their books. But I know, I will be even better.

"Your books have a certain charm," Grandma had remarked once. She, being the first—from my mother's side—to discover my writing talent, became my earliest supporter. She encouraged me to keep on writing, even though it was 'smut' She said "Ava dear, your books could be even dirtier." She challenged me. And there couldn't be anything better because, I for one, love a good challenge. Sometimes I even wonder why Grandma still reads those kinds of books...I mean, Grandpa was dead who was she going to do those...intimate...things with? Although I could imagine her touching herself and screaming my book character's name or maybe whoever she was dating presently...Sleek. I've been tempted to ask who she was dating so many times but she always said to not concern myself with her love life and go find mine. That was like a straight attack to my lonely heart.

"Maybe this was a bad idea," I say after a while of explaining my nervous breakdown to Addie on the other end of the line who sighed. I was pretty sure she was tired of me. If I was me, I would have been tired of me too.

"Or Maybe this was the best idea" She counters and I frown, slumping against my headboard "Listen Aves, People fail, all the fucking time and it's not uncommon. Failure is part of the game. I'm not giving you a hundred percent assurance that this jackass would deliver a very good job." Okay, even as honest as that was, that wasn't very helpful. At all "But I can assure you that hiring this jackass might be the long shot you need to protect your project. Unless you fancy another year in this predicament while watching me graduate."

Ouch. Her words cut through the fog of my anxiety, stark and direct. It wasn't the assurance I craved, but it was a reality check I needed. The prospect of failure hung heavy in the air, but so did the weight of potential success. It was a gamble, a gamble I needed to take to safeguard my ambitions. Addison was right, I needed to do this. "Fine" I sigh, rubbing my hands on my forehead to smoothen the crease I was sure was forming on my brows "Hang up now, I'll call you back when I'm done"