Disfigured Violets

Chapter Four

Devin

A month later...

I couldn't tell if everyone's anxious mood around me was because I was on my period and snappy or because of my dad's suicide date nearing. Not that I minded but everyone kept asking if I was okay and if I needed help, more than usual anyways. People made it feel like I just got out of the hospital or something. It just felt repetitive, and I was tired of it. I went into the bathroom to wash my face and realized why everyone was so concerned.

I looked like a wreck.

My face was rough, my dark circles more prominent, I looked like a damn zombie.

My lips thinned as I looked at my reflection, I honestly became unrecognizable. I looked skinnier which I wasn't arguing, I liked being skinny, I think. Unfortunately, I think Blake liked it more than I did. I just wish I looked more... alive. Fuller of color, I guess. I could be a damn corpse in a morgue if I laid still enough. I chuckled at my own little comment and headed back out. My shift was about to end thankfully. I'm glad I picked an earlier shift because I couldn't wait to get home and eat some snacks and watch movies all day. I forced a smile on my face, gently slapping my cheeks to bring any color to them. I had no time to worry about my emotions when I needed this damn paycheck.

When I finally rushed home, I did not eat or watch movies, I crashed straight onto the couch and laid down.

I was so exhausted.

I hadn't slept much the night before because Blake kept me up. Not like that. He yelled at me, wanting me to show him my phone and I handed it over with ease. He went through everything, and I mean everything. I didn't mind but it was pointless especially because he's gone through it before. I was sick of it, so I finally broke up with him.

For good.

"Show me your fucking phone right now." His voice grew louder as I kept stepping back. I winced and handed him my phone. He sat down on the bed and began to vigorously scroll through everything, scanning every photo and message. I was confused because I didn't even do anything to show any signs of infidelity. I was loyal to a fault, every time we got back together, I didn't go and fuck someone else or anything like that. I was just scared, especially knowing he had been drinking. I handed it to him, fearing what he may have done if I didn't.

"I'm sorry if I did anything to make you feel this way," my voice shaky and I stood there in shame. Shame because how did I end up here? In this loop. How did I end up in this shitty loop of break ups and getting back together? I don't know. Yeah, I don't fucking know so maybe I should just stop it. Stop it before this becomes my entire life.

I snatched my phone back from him, "we are fucking done Blake."

"What?" He stood up and walked over to me. "No, the hell we aren't"

"Yes we are." I grabbed my backpack and rushed to his front door. "We are done for good. I can't keep going back and forth with this shit. You come to me when you've fixed yourself and learn to deal with your fucking bipolarity. Because I'm fucking sick of it," my throat feeling hoarse as I yelled. "Do not fucking follow me, don't come to my house or else I'll just have Jackson and Rowan beat your ass and call the cops on you. I'll get a restraining order, literally anything for you to stay away. I just need to get away from you. You can't keep doing this anymore," my voice cracked at the end. He looked at me, no emotion, too stoic and it worried me. It reminded me of the calmness of the ocean before it drew back and a tsunami would come soon after. He was unstable and I feared his next move, so I stepped out the door.