Light in Your Eyes

17 | wish

L A Y L A

More weeks have passed since Kellan gave me the tattoo, and things have changed significantly inside the mansion.

No one dares to bully me anymore although I can still feel their gazes at me. Luca and his friends magically disappear from my sight. Rumors say that Fenrir has heard about the incident happening in the kitchen and that now Luca and his friends are on a mission with only a 10% chance of survival. I wonder if it's some kind of punishment for them.

People still whisper about me behind my back. I know that they can't believe what's happening, that I -- out of all the members of Black Wings -- got the tattoo colored in black with gold streaks. Giving me a regular tattoo would be enough to protect me here, so I also wonder why Kellan had me inked with that tattoo.

After having my lunch with Zoe at her place, I step back into Kellan's room, only to find him standing near the window with his back facing the door. The moment he hears me coming in, he turns around, accidentally knocking one of the photo frames on his desk.

I'm about to help him pick it up when he reaches for it. I look at the photo, the one of him when he was still a little boy, sitting side by side with a little girl. She's smiling sweetly while he has a smirk on his face. I have guessed that it's his younger sister, who died in the car accident.

"Is that..." I falter as he puts the frame back on the desk. "Your sister?" I ask, feeling that my heart is beating faster.

Things have been good between us nowadays, and I'm afraid that my question will trigger him. It's not easy to be close to Kellan because he's been putting up his walls for years. Speaking about his sister may cause him to draw back again, but I'm just so curious. I want him to tell me more about him and his family.

His lips twitch in irritation as sudden pain crosses his expression.

"I'm sorry," I quickly say. "I didn't mean to... I didn't mean to make you remember the pain of losing her. I just wanted to ask. She's beautiful."

Kellan doesn't respond. He walks toward the bed and sits on it. Since I've been living with him, I've learned the way he reacts when he's trying to shut off. He's restless now, and it's one of the signs. Then he will become angry and lets it out to the people around him. His trauma makes him easily get enraged every time he remembers the pain.

But I know that he can become better. We still fight, but it's more like bickering now, definitely not as bad as before, and definitely less frequent.

I sit on the bed beside him and whisper, "I'm sorry."

I'm sure that he can hear my pain too.

"I'm so sorry that you lost her."

He swallows.

Seconds pass in silence, but then he opens his mouth. "At first, I couldn't believe that she was gone." His voice is filled with agony, and it breaks my heart. "I protected her with my life. I was sure that I engulfed her so that nothing could hurt her, not even when I felt extreme pain all over my body. The last thing I felt against my chest before I blacked out was her heartbeat. She couldn't be gone."

Now I'm not even sure that I can hear their story. It's too painful.

"Kellan," I breathe, not wanting him to continue the story if he can't. But on the other hand, another part of me wants him to let it out so that the anger wouldn't suffocate him.

"I don't fucking know why, but a part of me insists that she's still alive, living somewhere, breathing," he says, his intense gray eyes darkening.

He sounds like he still has much more to say, but then his face falls. There's nothing but sorrow in his expression.