Rising Sun (Twilight Saga Fanfic)

Who are You?

 The rain was refreshing.

No, it wasn't the same as it was when I was human; I barely remember what that even felt like, but I had an idea. Rain, especially the kind in that covered Forks for a majority of the year, was crisp. Crisp, cool, even sharp against human flesh. It's dampness clung to the body, swallowing up every bit of body heat released, hugging every inch like a warm winter sweater. I could remember how much I detested it, how much I missed the southern sun and it's warmth.

If only I had realized how I took advantage of it.

Now, the rain felt warm to me. I was colder than the precipitation, so much so that it bore a comforting warmth until it started to crystallize against my bare skin. But it was a minute difference, not enough for me to really pay attention to. The refreshing part – the part that made me regret every instance I avoided its existence – was the cleansing it provided. It was all metaphorical, really: a mental trick I convinced myself worked to make me feel something.

None of the others understood what I meant if I tried to bring it up. Noah and Evie both felt the rain for what it really was – their body temperatures ran as hot as the wolves did. Vampires didn't care about something so unimportant to our livelihood, because water merely only cleaned us of the blood from our hunt. Heidi sort of got it, but I always thought she was giving me the benefit of the doubt for my sake.

"I believe that you believe it," she had told me the first time I brought it up. To her, it was just water.

I looked over the cliff, letting my legs dangle off the edge, over the crashing waves of the Pacific. It was a spot I hadn't visited since I was human, where I decided cliff diving was an acceptable sport for a human. God, how I was stupid... I could have drowned, since I was lucky enough the rocks didn't kill me first. Somehow, I managed to survive both.

To this day, I wonder if I had really seen Victoria in the water. It could have been a hallucination; I was drowning, and human minds are fragile without sufficient oxygen. She looked like my own personal angel of death, her vibrant hair like ink in the murky water. So graceful, so elegant as she glided toward me... It could have been a dream.

I told myself it was. And it would be, because I never told anyone how close she was. If it wasn't a dream, she could have easily taken me out there, even if Jacob had jumped in after me. She could have killed us both, so why hadn't she, if she wasn't just a dream?

Being up here reminded me of my darkest point. I was pathetic, letting myself deteriorate over him. I should have been stronger, like my father had after my mother left him. I shouldn't have let him dictate the terms of my life; he was a merely a mile marker, a little pitstop on the way of who I was meant to be. And in that moment, when I jumped, I could have ruined everything.

I told everyone I knew it wasn't suicide. It hadn't been at the time, I guess, but what sane person jumps a cliff for an adrenaline rush, just to see the man she thought she loved? No one. If I was being honest with myself, Charlie probably should have had me institutionalized for my reactions. I was sick, when I should have been strong. If only I knew what was to come... if only I had known the real reason to live.

Evie and Noah's smiles flashed behind my eyelids as I leaned my head back, letting the water run over me. They were my everything; Volturi and the Cullens be damned, they were mine. I was a soldier, a warrior to pay off my debts, but they were my family, the only true beings in my life. Heidi was a close second, an unexpected sister I didn't know I needed. But beyond the rest? What else was there?