Say When

F I F T E E N

I watched Rita frown at her computer screen. Her body was tense and her head seemed permanently cocked to the left. She bit her lip and stared at the blank screen. I watched impatiently. I slid my tongue across my teeth. The words were about to leap out of me. I bit them back.

Rita sighed and sat up straight. I felt myself perk up. I was perched cross-legged on her bed. She positioned her fingers on the keyboard. I held my breath. Her fingers twitched a bit before she slouched again. Her hands dropped into her lap and her head lolled to the right.

"Ugh! Rita, just write something! Anything at this point!" We'd be sitting here for almost an hour. She told me that she'd been thinking more about college too and wanted to get a few scholarship applications in before the final deadline.

But she was stuck. Mainly on the essay portions. I'd offered to help but what I didn't expect was to watch the screen on her computer go into power save mode eight times over the last hour while she typed barely two words and then deleted it all to start again. My patience had packed up and left around the thirty-minute mark. I was running on fumes now. She swirled around to me and pouted.

"I'm not good with this stuff. I'm a numbers person! Words are complicated!" She was beyond aggravated too. I could see that she was really overthinking this. Rita was smart. Super smart. She could solve a complex equation in her head in seconds. Books, however--she used those for decoration and any writing that was not a text message was beyond her.

"We already did the outline. We have your topic and conclusion. You just have to flesh it out with details." I tried to make the process sound as simple as possible because for me it really was. Rita looked at me, eyes wide.

"I have no details!" She got up from her seat and went over to her dresser. She grabbed a tube of lip smackers and began applying it to her lips. Over and over I watched her make perfect circular motions. She was beyond nervous when she did this. I knew I had to do some damage control. I took her seat at the computer and looks at the clear white page. The cursor blinked.

"Tell me about math. Why do you like it?" I asked over my shoulder. She capped the lip balm and plopped down on the bed.

"It's just simple and straightforward. You do the same thing each time to get the answer. It's not so complicated. There are patterns if you look closely. It all just clicks into place."

I started typing...

There are many moving parts in life. Elements that are constantly changing and shifting based on your perspective and experiences. We all experience this change and there are many times when we crave for something constant. For me, the one thing that has been constant is my love for math. I find comfort in it.

Specifically, comfort in knowing that in kindergarten when I learned that one plus one equals two it has never changed. It's still the same to this day and we can use these constant truths to analyze, predict, and change the world for the better. I want the opportunity to support this same love of math in others, specifically to young girls, as a STEM teacher. Pursuing my undergraduate degree is the first step toward that dream.

I stopped typing. I felt breathing on my neck. Breathing and the scent of strawberry lip smackers. Rita was right over my shoulder reading the screen. After a beat, she stood up.

"You're a sorceress." She shook her head. I laughed.

"They're just words. It's simple. Can you take it from here?" I got up and held out the seat for her. She sat hesitantly but started typing.

"Yes! Yes, let it flow my precious." I said in my best evil witch voice. My phone rang from the charger it was attached to across the room. I dashed over and looked at the screen. Jax's number was displayed. It'd been a few days since we spoke but we texted regularly. I let the phone ring one extra time before I answered. I didn't want to seem as eager as I was to hear his voice. He still had me on edge. Strung out for contact.