Say When

T H I R T Y - S E V E N

The old wooden chair groaned and creaked under my weight. I leaned over the desk and picked up the phone. The phone had too many buttons. More than I was used to. I tried to dial out but kept getting an incessant beeping that made me want to cry.

"Press nine to dial out." As passing voice said. I looked up to see the persons back, already several steps away from me. I picked up the receiver again and dialed nine before punching in the number. I put the receiver against my face; my cheeks were slick with tears. The dampness caused the receiver to slip a few times as the line rang but I held it firm. After five rings the voicemail popped on. I hung up, groaned and doubled over again.

My stomach lurched from hunger pains and knots of anxiety. My nose stung from wiping it hundreds of times with the sleeve of my shirt. I picked up the receiver again. Nine. The number. Voicemail. Hang up. I brought my head down onto the gray laminate of the desk. I wanted to leave. I needed to leave. I picked up the receiver again. Dial. Nine. Ring. My knee bounced as I prayed.

"Hello?"

Tears popped into my eyes and poured over like a creek after a monsoon.

"Hello?"

I forced the tears to stop long enough for me to croak the words out.

"I need you to come get me."

E I G H T E E N H O U R S A G O

"I can come with you." I said my eyes were wide trying to convince Jax.

"Nah, we talked about this." Jax shook his head in complete disagreement and picked up his black duffel bag, the same one that lived in my closet for months, and headed toward the door. I was on my feet in a minute. I clamped myself on to his arm and planted my feet in the soft fibers of the carpet.

"But it's not the same. You're getting out. This is not just another run. This is it, right?" I pleaded with him. I didn't know what the trip would entail but I knew that I didn't want to be alone. He held his duffel in his hand but turned his head slightly toward me. I was getting through to him.

"Yeah, this is it. I told you that." He said.

"So, I can go with you and right after you're done we can start over. Like the moment after. I don't want to waste anymore time apart." I placed my hand on his chest. My head lay right next to it shortly after. I listened to his heart beat strong and steady. My hand slipped down to his waist and rested right above his belt buckle. His heartbeat sped up.

"Why you doing this to me?" His voice growled low in my ear.

"Doing what?" I played coy. I tilted my chin up toward his lips and slid mine across his gently. He breathed deeply and rested his forehead against mine. I had him.

"You want to stop at your spot for some clothes?" He asked.

"Nah." I went over to his dresser and pulled out a pair of his gray Adidas joggers and a white tee shirt. "We'll hit up a mall on the way there."

>>

The cables of the George Washington Bridge whipped by quickly. I tried to count each stretch of thick wire as the sun rose in a choppy red-orange orb behind them. We'd left early enough to beat rush hour and once we were over that bridge and on the I-90 I felt like the city didn't exist. Leaving NYC was like leaving Oz. It left you rubbing sleep out of your eyes and wondering if it was all real. As the city grew small in the rear-view, I felt the actual distance from everyone grow. I thought that if I was leaving I should let someone know. I shot off a quick text to Rita and Chris.

Me: I'm heading out of town for a few days.

I didn't expect an immediate response. The sun was barely up and if prom went the way that Rita had anticipated she should be somewhere exhausted and tangled up in David. If Chris's days were like any of his days he wouldn't be awake until noon. I kicked off my flip flops and pulled my knees up in my over-sized shirt. I turned toward Jax and watched his profile as he drove. Melodic rap playing in the background low. My eyes were dry with exhaustion and my body was heavy. I felt the sleepless nights I had recently catching up with me.