Don't worry just pick out a normal outfit who even cares?
But I feel ugly in everything.
I decided to just put on a hard rock cafes t-shirt and some black skinny jeans. I could already hear a lot of people comming. Normally there would be a big deal about making dinner and such, but we were going out for dinner, so we only had to clean the house.
A few cousins were comming over. I have three boy cousins both older than me, and one girl cousin also older than me. So that's great.
"Hey! How you doing? You have grown so much since I last saw you! Have you been eating because you looking real skinny girl, and so beautiful " my aunt said as she went in for a hug.
"Hello, and thank you, and yeah ive been great and yeah I've eaten of course. " I said as I hugged her back.
You are such a liar
"Hey Mattia, how are you?" I asked my cousin, as I went in for a hug.
"Good good, and you?" He asked back.
"Yeah I'm good too, um my brothers are changing into bathing suits if you wanna go in the pool before we leave f-f-for dinner" I said. Damn I really had to stutter?
He just smirked to himself and went off.
I said hi to everyone else and told the rest that they could join the pool.
I was inside helping my mom bring some stuff out, for the guest as I caught a glance of my cousins and brothers outside having a great time. I wish I could join them. It's just... I feel way to insecure, about my body. It seems really pity or whatever. But I honestly can't stand the thought of them seeing how ugly my body is. It hurts my heart thinking about it. Yeah it's that bad.
I was kinda just staring off without realizing it.
All of the sudden I got eye contact with Mattia. He looked at me and then said something to Finn. I quickly turned away trying to play it off.
"Hey Em, go out to the others at the pool. Go ahead and have some fun. I'll take care of this." My mom said.
"Oh it's okay I can do it mom" I tried saying back. Hopeing I could stay here.
"It's okay hunny go! Go and have some fun" she said. Basically taking everything from me.
I went outside, and just sat at the little table thingy we had. Mattia, Zach and Cole (my other 2 cousins)
Came over to me and sat down. I felt kinda scared, they were all tall and strong and all that.
"Hey Em, how you been huh? U still dance?" Mattia asked me all flirty. "Umm I y-y-y-es I still da-n-n-ce" I answered back
"Yo shorty u scared of us or something?" Zach yelled at me scooting closer to me, and putting my legs on top of his lap. "I-I-I-I-" I managed to stutter out.
"Omg she's so scared of us, why are you still a little baby? Do you need a nappy?" Cole joked.
They all laughed.
"Nah she ain't a little girl, but you can call me daddy" Zach led out, and they all broke out in laughter. Again.
I felt really uncomfortable, and I started to get a fast heartbeat.
"Um I need to go, my m-o-om is calling for me" I said as I stood up to leave. Zach grabbed my wrist and pulled my onto his lap.
"She can wait, stay here with us. We never see you." Zach whispered. He started grappling my thigh, and my neck. "Stop please stop I can't Handel this" I said with tears forming in my eyes. "It's okay just relax" Zach whisperd into my ear. The others had been long gone.
"Please I'm begging you stop" I said as I really started hyperventilating. "Jeez chill it was just a joke!" Zach said as he saw me crying. "I can't breathe " I let out. "Omg It was a fucking joke can you just relax!" He yelled at me. Daniel noticed, and quickly went over to me.
"Hey hey hey" Daniel said to grab my attention.
"Listen up I don't like you, but you need to calm tf down or mom is gonna get mad at me okay? So just listen and please stop fucking crying. It's okay everything is okay. See your safe. Your with me your brother. Zach is gone. Now can you please take a fucking breath and calm down?" Daniel said.
I tried following what he said. But I felt like it got worse and worse.
"Okay listen I'm only doing this so I won't get in trouble" he said. As he placed me on his lap and kinda rocked me a little bit, and bumped me a little bit. Just like when we were kids. It used to make me calm down as a baby.
"Shs shs it will be okay" He said. I just cried into his chest. I forgot about all the bullying in that second.
A little while later
"Hey look at me bitch" Daniel said.
I looked up at him. "You okay?" Daniel asked. "Yeah I'm okay now, thank you for being there fo-" I got caught off.
"Yeah yeah whatever just get the fuck out of my lap and go and do something else. By the way I still hate you. I just needed to calm you down cause mom would kill me if she saw you having a freaking panic attack or whatever that was." Daniel said.
"Oh yeah I know, I'm so-r-ry" I said to him as I looked down. "It's whatever, now get lost." Daniel said.
I was just on my way out when he yelled out.
"Oh by the way Finns friends are here to, thoese that drove you to practice that one time" Daniel said, and took off.
"Oh okay cool" I said, and left.
I wonder what it would be like to always have this. I mean the way he calmed me down, the way he let me cry into his chest, the way he hugged me telling me everything was gonna be alright.
I wonder if I would be better mentally, if I had someone that cared. Just someone.
____________________________________
Heyyyy sorry for not posting in so long.
But I'm back!
There is gonna be a part 2 to this!
Luv y'all, ur beautiful and u matter.
You can always dm me, if you need someone to talk too.
See you next time
- Toutxoxo
