Just Me Again.

24: Second First Kiss

MARIA WAYNE

I showered and changed into a pale pink shirt and sweatpants before I came out of the bathroom and sat on the bed. Today was a weird day. I never expected that Ruby would come here to see me. I honestly thought and wished to never see her again, but when she showed up today – looking ailing and weak – I couldn't help but feel bad for her. I don't want to hang on my past, she asked for my forgiveness and I will forgive her – maybe that way I will be able to move on and live a normal life.

I blew my cheeks out and ran my fingers through my wet hair when someone knocked at my door. "You don't have to knock each time, Charlie. Come in." I said out loud. She always knocks before entering in – even though I told her not to do that. I glanced towards me fingernail when she walked in – I need to cut them. "Maria?" It wasn't Charlie. I jerked my head towards the door – where Silas was standing. His eyes were red and puffy while his hair was messy. "Silas?" I said bewilderedly. "What are you doing here? And what happened?" I got worried about looking at him. He looked tormented.

"Mom has cancer." He whispered out. Ruby did tell him. I pressed my lips together and patted at the bed beside me. He sighed and slowly sat beside me before he cupped his face in his hands. I didn't say anything – honestly, I didn't know what to say. After a couple of silent seconds, Silas looked at me. "You know, I hate her. I hate her so much, but when she said that – that she has cancer – I just – just couldn't." He couldn't even complete his sentence. My heart twisted to see him like that. I put my hand over his shoulder, "Silas, she will be okay. She is going to get the best treatment and then she will be all right." I said softly.

"But, what if she doesn't?" he questioned. I didn't know how to reply to that. I gulped, "She will be okay. Don't worry." I said. He sighed and slowly nodded his head, "Yeah." He whispered and once again we both went quiet. I have lost me my jungle of thoughts and he was probably lost in his and just like that, we sat there for the few minutes – without uttering a single word.

Silas broke the silence, "When – when I thought you cheated." He cleared his throat, "I – I went to my mom. She was the only person that I thought would be faithful to me – unknowingly what she has don't." he said without looking at me, while my eyes were on him. "Now when mom told me about her cancer – I was shocked and scared. I didn't know where to go or what to say." He paused and turned his head towards me. "You came into my mind," he said and glanced towards my lips. "I – I don't know why, but I thought I would feel better if I will talk to you. There was an urge to be near you." He told me softly. His eyes bored into mine and somehow I couldn't look away either. It was like they were pulling me towards him. "Maria, I miss you." He said while I quiet stared back in his eyes.

"When you left – I was devastated. I felt so uncomfortable just by knowing that you are gone. When you were here – I would have not been with you all the time, but just knowing that you are here was enough." he shrugged. "Your presence was enough, but when you left – I felt empty." He added. I swallowed the lump I was feeling in my throat. Tears were burning my eyes. "So, I forced myself to move on. I started seeing Alice, but Maria was not you." He lightly shook his head.

I knitted my brows, "Was?" my question came out barely audible.

"I broke up with her." He shrugged lightly.

My heart skipped a beat. What was this feeling – I don't know. I wasn't completely happy, but I wasn't upset either. I was agitated because my plan was failing – I wanted him to move on, right? But, at the same time, I was relaxed. "Why?" I asked. I don't know why I asked that. I know why, but I still wanted him to say that.

"Because of you – I can't move on from you, Maria. You have become my habit." He replied. I didn't say anything nor I moved – although, I did stare at his lips getting closer to mine. "I am going to kiss you." He whispered. His statement had a question hidden in it – to which I didn't answer. He didn't stop till his lips met mine softly. I almost felt like he was scared. He stayed still for a moment before he pecked on my sealed lips. I slowly closed my eyes and our first kiss came in my mind. It was so similar to it. I was so scared at that time, so I am now. My palms were sweaty then and so are now. My heartbeat escalating then, it was escalating now. We were nervous then, we are nervous now. It felt like my second first kiss.