Chapter 40

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I jolt up, beads of sweat covering my body as I tried evening out my breaths. My eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room, not even the faint chirp of crickets filling the air, as I tried shaking the thoughts from my head.

He's not here.

It's been two months and I still can barely sleep through the entire night. It's gotten better since December, but it's still hard to sleep at night. If I do get through the night, I stay trapped inside my own head throughout the day, which just wears me out more.

They're not here.

I snake my hand over to the nightstand for my phone, the time just a quarter past two. Throwing the duvet off my body, I slowly lift from the bed and exited the room, into the hallway.

This easily became apart of my nightly routine, and it pains me that I look forward to it more than I should. I guess it's a comfort thing, being I don't truly get it from anyone else.

Derek didn't see me the few short days I was in the hospital, and he barely talked to me once I was out. We were busy trying to get things together; between our mother's lack of a will and funeral costs, things were a bit hectic. After the funeral, Derek was gone.

He didn't say or leave anything, still hasn't in the past two months, and I was forced to be on my own. I tried reaching out, but it always went to voicemail or purposeful declines, so I stopped trying. Alone in the house, I thought I could still pay the bills and stuff, but it was too much.

Car payments, bills, mortgage... I was overwhelming myself on top of trying to grieve. I nearly broke myself more than I already was, which is why I spent so many nights crying myself to sleep. I quit my job at the arcade place and ended up selling my car, hoping it would help me out a bit.

However, Derek was older and I guess he thought that meant he dealt with the finances. I'm not sure, but the money didn't go towards any of the things I intended for it to. Much of it he took, placing it towards his tuition.

I broke down one day at school, my thoughts racing and my heart hurting as I was forced to walk the halls I once had Damon in with me. A mini memorial was set around his locker and people gave their condolences, but they didn't know what really caused it all. I walked into school one day and saw a little memorial being set around Grayson's locker, and I just broke down.

I remember Officer Davis coming by my hospital room the day after everything went down, delivering the news Grayson died during surgery. For me, it was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders only for it to slap me across the face in the form of a school memorial.

I tried trashing the thing; my foot kicking over the cards and small stuffed animals as hot tears streamed down my face. The day was all a blur, especially since I randomly woke up in Adeline's living room. Mr. James was seated on the longer couch as he began talking to me, ultimately asking for me to move in with them.

I was reluctant, not wanting to be a burden and Mrs. James' impassive look kept clouding my thoughts. It quickly wasn't an option as I was soon unpacking the few boxes I had into one of their guest rooms. I've been here ever since, rarely ever going by my old house.

The Froyer's still lived next door, but I haven't spoken to them. Mrs. Froyer gave me guilty looks from time to time, but I couldn't look her way, especially with Mr. Froyer there. Something about him being with my mom in her final days doesn't sit well with me.

I wrapped my fingers around the thin door handle, the thin sheet of sweat coating my skin caused my tank top to stick to my chest, as I slowly opened the door.

"Ads," I whispered as I softly closed the door behind me, just checking to see if she was awake. There was no reply, not that I expected there to be, as I made my way over to the opposite side of the bed.

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