HIS SECRETARY

40

K E N D R A

"I've been contemplating whether to tell you this or not, Violet." he continued and my tongue seemed to back off.

I didn't know why but I have a feeling that this won't go well. My instincts are telling me that something negative is approaching. Even my heart is starting to ache for some reason. 

"I had been recollecting myself these past few days. I was trying to find an answer to that one thing that brought chaos into my system." Zachary continued and I remained quiet.

Chaos into his system? Was that me? But why would I bring chaos into his system?

"My mental state once gave up when I got hurt too much, Violet. I'm afraid that if I take a risk, I might fall and I won't be able to come up ever again." I blinked for a few times when he suddenly said that. I was aware that his mental health was once on the verge of the cliff. I was fully aware.

Hera and the others already pitched me in on that. There's no use for him to bring it up again. I know how those kinds of things hurt and him bringing it up will only rub salt to the wound. It'll only be pure torture for him.

"I was starting to get scared when I felt it again. I felt that one thing that led my life to go into a united fall. I was frightened that I might go through the same hell I went through back then."

He was opening up. Why was he opening up? As much as I don't want to hear his past, I couldn't mutter the courage to tell him to stop. A part of me wanted to know why he had to go through hell back then. I know some parts of the story but not the whole.

Is it wrong if I want to know everything right now?

"I loved this girl so much, Violet. So much that I had my whole life to be dependent on her. She was my life source. I couldn't function without her."

I can see how he was fighting the urge to cry. He was teary eyed already and I can see how he was struggling to bottle his emotions.

"You can cry. I won't mind." I said and that was the cue before tears started cascading down his cheeks. They were like diamonds rolling down a masterpiece. Too much to handle for my frail heart.

"We were in the middle of a misunderstanding when the issue about the CEO position came up. My Dad didn't want me to be the CEO because for him, I was only a loser. That I don't deserve to be called the CEO of his beloved company."

I averted my gaze when I saw another tear rolling down. It was hard to look at. Him being sad already brings an impact to me. Of course, seeing him vulnerable is even hard for me to handle.

"Dad made me choose between her and the position. I trusted my girlfriend so much that I thought my Dad won't make her break up with me. Was it wrong if I chose the position over her?"

Zachary glanced at me and I took that as a sign for me to reply.

"No, Sir. It wasn't wrong. You trusted her to fight with you and the problem lies with her." I comforted and Zachary sighed.

"I got depressed and had to go on therapies. I was traumatized with it, Violet." he stated while his tears are still coming out nonstop.

If I were just a normal secretary, I would have shared this info with my workmates. This was one of the mysteries about Zachary that they wanted to know. But no, I'm Violet and I won't share this with anyone.

"I was recovering well from that bitter past...and then you came." he said and stared at me.

It wasn't the kind of stare that made me uncomfortable. It was the kind of stare that made me feel that I was loved and cared of. I was starting to hope again. "You weren't like any other secretary that I had. You were different." 

I can't bring myself to smile. He just complimented me but why do I feel upset? Are my emotions swapped?

"Then I realized something when I went to Barcelona. I finally pinpointed what was I feeling for you." he confessed and I gulped.

Cold wind started embracing the whole surroundings. My hair was being blown by the wind but I did not care. This moment was more important than my hair being blown by the wind. I had to hear this without even blinking. No matter what, I needed to hear what Zachary has to say.

"I once got attached to someone and that became the reason of my downfall." Zachary said and I felt my heart clenched. Why is our conversation going this way again?

Why is it that whenever I start getting my hopes up, the universe does something to bring it down again? Why do the heavens always torture me like this? Is the pain not enough? Do they really need me to receive the pain this way?

"I finally decided on what to do." he said and stared at me.

I felt tears filling my eyes. I think I know where this is going. My gut feeling had never been wrong. So it was really something negative which he had to say.

"So please stop making me hope, Violet. I don't want to get hurt in the end."

I couldn't help but look down. Was that a sugar-coated rejection again? Do I really need to hear this again?

"It's getting dark, Sir. I must go home." I excused myself and left him there by the bench. It is the second time for me to be rejected by the same person.

"Please don't hate me, Violet. Please don't. You are the only one I have right now." Zachary begged and held my wrist which prevented me to go.

"I'm upset, Sir." I informed him as I stare at him with teary eyes.

"What?" Zachary asked when I said that.

"I'm upset with myself because no matter how many times you break me, I would still go back running to you even if that means, I'll get broken again."

I couldn't think of anything anymore. I just want to lift this heavy feeling off my chest and get rid of all the frustrations I have with him. It was killing me. It is. But what choice to I have? It's me who kept on yearning for him.

"Even if I'm in pieces already, I'm always prepared to fix you even at the expense of me being in pieces forever."

After saying that, I removed his hands from my wrists and left him there. I hailed a taxi and wiped the remaining tears on my cheeks.

"Please drive around the neighborhood." I said to stall time. I don't want to go home yet. I know Cyan is at home and if he sees me like this, he'll be worried. I don't want him to be worried.