HIS SECRETARY

55

Z A C H A R Y

I was left in the golf course alone. I didn't feel like jamming with my friends today. I was so out of the weather and I feel so ill. Even though I wasn't really sick, I just felt like I was.

After I received Violet's resignation letter, I felt empty. I felt like my soul was sucked out of my body. It just feel as if I was a zombie. I'm dead inside. It's like I'm good as a walking dead already. Everytime I go to work, it was so boring. My life was back to zero again and I don't know where to start. Violet just disappeared in thin air. I tried to go to the address written on her resume but an empty house was there.

I don't know if she planned this all along or if she just had something urgent that came about. She left without any notice at all. She came into my life without blinkers so I guess she just had to go out of it without blinkers too.

It was devastating. I couldn't focus on work and everything feels like hell. I also got pissed a bit when I found out Luke liked Violet before. I know I do not have the right to feel like that but it's just that I can't accept it. Add up Kendra who just confessed to me. There is this sensation of guilt eating me up. It was never my intention to hurt her but it was just not the right time for her to confess.

Yes, I know to myself that I like the girl. I know to myself that I really true like Kendra. I'm just completely not in the right mind now. Everything is done into a knot and I'm having a hard time unknotting them. My mind's in a haywire and I don't know what to solve first. I'm facing several walls and I can't even come up with any solution to bream the wall.

It's like I cascaded deep down into earth's core and I couldn't come up. I know I need to find a solution myself but it's just so hard for me. I have never felt like this way in my life. The last time I really did had a hard time was years ago. That was when I was stuck between a situation. My girlfriend or my career. I had to choose and risk everything. I did everything I could but it still fucked up my life. Because of that one decision, I had to get treatments for my mental health.

That's why this time, I'm really thinking carefully on what to do. I'm carefully selecting my decisions because I don't want to end up like years ago. I don't want to be that same idiot who let the situation control him. I don't want to end up in a garbage bin. I feel so unworthy back then. And this time, I'm not letting myself be the same.

"Hey, I know you're busy but can't you swing by the house?" Zaria said after I received her call.

Do the deities really want me dead right now? I know Zaria doesn't mean any harm to me. However, every time she calls, I know that it is something I wouldn't agree with. It is something that might potentially hit a nerve.

"I'm not going to that house, Zaria. Stop pushing me." I warned and I heard her sigh.

This whole persuasion of me visiting the house is taking a long long time before disappearing. I had enough with that house and to the person who owns that damned house. I had long cut my ties with that family. I'm just carrying this surname because Mom asked me to stay as a Montemayor. I would have changed my surname a long time ago if not for Mom.

"Look, Zachary. I just badly need your help. Please come." she said in a desperate voice and that made me pinch the bridge of my nose.

Today is really not my day.

"I'm also at the edge of the cliff right now Zaria and I'm barely hanging on. Can't you resolve your problems on your own?" I asked and looked at a distance.

I lifted my gaze and I saw Kendrick walking towards me. He was walking in a fast pace and I stopped walking to wait for him. I thought they were going home already?

"Zachary, Dad's---" I cut her off abruptly. "Hey, Zaria. I know you might have a big problem but I need to end this call now. Goodbye."

I put my phone inside my pocket and looked at Kendrick. Didn't they already went home? Luke and the others already did. So why was he still here?

"What are you still doing here? Aren't you heading home?" I asked but he ignored my question.

"I thought you like my sister?" Kendrick asked and I can see fury in his eyes.

I stared at him and realized what he just said. Did Kendra told her? Well, I can't blame Kendra. If somebody rejects me too I would have screamed about it to my friends and my sister.

"I thought so too." I mindlessly answered and I think it made Kendrick more angrier.

"So was that all a lie, Zachary?" he asked again and I did not know what to say.

I mean, it wasn't a lie. It was never a lie that I like Kendra. It's just...confusing. So many knots that I needed to fix and so many bumps that I needed to flatten out. It's really not the right time for me to address his sister's confession. Not right now.

"Did you just use my sister to validate yourself as a man?" he concluded and I couldn't help but to defend myself.

What the hell is he saying? I'm more than proud of what I am now and I don't need any validating. I'm confident of who I am.

Does he think that low of me? We're friends for so many years and he really thought that I will do that? I'm his friend since who knows. It didn't even take him a few hours to throw me away. To hell with his distrust. It's not appreciated. 

"What do you mean to validate myself as a man? I never did that, Kendrick." I spatted out and looked at him in distate.

"You know that many bachelor likes Kendra too." he pointed out.

Okay? What if many bachelors like Kendra? I know that. I also fucking know that.

"I freaking know that Kendrick. What about it?" I asked and he looked at me with pity.

"Are you just challenged with her? Do you want to show the others that you, a mediocre business man, made Kendra fall head over heels for you?"

His offending words caught me off guard. Challenged with her? Am I really that kind of man in his eyes?

"You're speaking trash here, Kendrick. Do you think that I'll go that low? I thought we were friends." I said and gave him a disgusted look.

"Our friendship ended the moment you hurt my sister. Douchebag." he said and I couldn't contain my anger.

I held his collar and looked at him eye to eye. I can take those offending words but not this one. I have been called twice like that today. Being called once, I can tolerate that. But not once again.

"Say it again, leech. Say it again in front of my face." I warned and Kendrick smirked at me.

"Why? Are you going to hit me if I do?" he arrogantly said. Kendrick changed in just a minute because Kendra cried.

I was an idiot to trust that he would understand me. Freaking expectations.

"What if I do?" I threatened and Kendrick peeled my hands by force. It brought a sting of pain to my arms.

"Stop being sensitive Zachary. Fix your personality complex first before picking a fight. I don't fight crybabies." he fiercely said and walked out.