Always Worth the Risk || Levi x Reader

Chapter 13

(A/N)

Here is where the story is going to stray from the manga/anime. These next chapters happen after Reiner and Bertholdt reveal themselves as the Armour and the Colossal but before the new Levi Squad go into hiding in the forest. Everyone is still at HQ and they haven't picked the new Levi Squad yet, it's still just Levi, (Y/N) and Eren. 

Thank you for reading and enjoy!

(Y/N)' Pov

It had been nearly two weeks since my squad died. So much has happened since then. Annie... Reiner... Bertholdt... I can't believe it. I don't want to believe it. Annie killed them. Annie Leonhart, my sort-of-friend from the Training Corps, killed Petra, Gunther, Eld and Oluo. She killed so many other Scouts too, like they were bugs. And she had tried to kill me. Or did she...? I could've sworn that when she knocked me through the forest she held back. She could've so easily killed me like she had done the others, but she didn't. Or maybe I'm just making things up, trying to find an easier way to deal with it. And Reiner and Bertholdt... Shiganshina... my parents... no, I can't think about that. It hurts too much. I sit on my bed and hug my knees into my chest. It's late. Really late. 3 or 4 in the morning. I can't sleep. I haven't gotten a lot of sleep lately. Every time I try I relive the fight with the Female Titan, relive Shiganshina, relive all their deaths. I don't cry anymore. I did the first few days - alone at night when no one could see - but I don't now. I just feel... numb. Everything is falling apart. So many people are dead now. I thought I would be able to handle being in the Scouts but obviously I'm wrong. I can't. It's too much. 

I haven't spoken to Levi since it all happened. Not properly. I do the chores and tasks he assigns but that's it. We don't train together. Not anymore. Not since our fight. I've seen him sometimes, training on his own, and I think of going down to him. I can't even imagine what he's going through. What I'm feeling must be nothing compared to it. But every time I'm close to him our fight plays on a loop in my head. He keeps his distance from me too. Jean and my friends try help through the grief, but they're still reeling from Bertholdt and Reiner's betrayal and have their own issues to deal with. I don't mind. I want to be alone anyway. 

I sigh. My stomach grumbles. I'm so hungry. I've been putting off going to the kitchen for food, hoping I can fall asleep before the hunger gets the better of me. I shake my head at myself and stand. Pulling on a too large jumper that hangs below my knees, covering my sleeping shorts. I bought it a few years ago, it had been halfway down my shins then. At least I'd gotten taller. I toe on my slippers and quietly pad down the hall, making my way to the kitchen. I fold my arms across my chest. It's chilly out in the empty halls. Eerily quiet too. I'm about to turn down the stairs that lead to the kitchen when I pause. There's a light coming from down the hallway of Captains' offices. Who's up at this hour? I have a hunch. I tiptoe down the hall, following the light, and, sure enough, it's coming from Levi's office. Of course he's up. Does that man ever sleep? I hover outside the door, chewing on my lip. I can hear the scratch of pen on paper. Is he actually doing paperwork at this hour? This isn't healthy. He needs sleep. 

Levi's Pov

There's a knock on my door and I jump. Who the hell is up at this hour? I put my pen down and look from my paperwork. "State your name and business?" My voice sounds tired, even to me. I am tired. Exhausted. But I can't sleep. I've never been able to sleep lately. So I do my paperwork. There's quite a lot of it. 

The silhouette outside my door hesitates and hear a soft intake of breath before they finally answer, "It's (Y/N), can I come in?" She sounds quieter than usual, smaller somehow. But she's been that way for the past few weeks now. She's taken our squad members' deaths hard, and Reiner and Bertholdt's betrayal. We've barely spoken at all. She's still upset with me after our fight and for once I don't blame her. A couple of times since I've thought about talking to her - reconciling and moving on. She's still a member of my squad after all. As soon as things settle we'll be working together soon so we'll need to be on talking terms. And... for some unknown reason... I miss her. But every time I go to talk to her that Jean brat seems to turn up and I can't. So I've just stopped trying. Keeping my distance from her. It's for the best. I don't know what she's done to me but it's caused me a lot of unexpected hassle. But now she's here and... I should turn her away, what was she even doing out of bed anyway... but I can't. "Come in," I say, and the door swings open softly and (Y/N) slips in. She closes it quietly behind her and then leans awkwardly against it, as if unsure what to do next. She's wearing slippers and a jumper. A large jumper. It's excessively large. Much too big for her. It's a man's jumper. Why is she wearing it? Where did she get? It... it probably belongs to Jean. That means... stop, I tell myself. It doesn't matter. I don't care.