Seep Into Me Slowly

[Chapter 09]

She chose the third option.
Surprising both him and herself, she stalked to the door then pulled it open, coming eye to eye -eye to chest more accurately- with her concerned husband.
She didn't know what got into her for her to pull this audacious stunt. Once she was faced with the music, she backed the hell away. He stood too closely to her than her liking; their breaths mingling. She was fazed by the muscled frame that pushed into her face, no doubt, he could take her out in a second; if not less.

Her breath quickened upon his close proximity, whiffs of his manly cologne reaching her stomach, sending her all the more on edge. She hadn't expected him to be standing this close, penetrating her personal space. "Are you ok?" Comes out his leveled voice. She nods swiftly and tries to make a run for it to the other side of the room -where he stood not- clearly failing as she bumped into him along the way. The simple touch was enough to send her mind into that dark place she prayed to erase. A single brush of a shoulder made her forget all the good in the world, only recounting the bad, and there was so much bad, it ached.

The calm petite girl disappeared, now it was time for full on panicked Tatiana to make an appearance. Her breath came out in short puffs, struggling with the most basic thing a human can do, breathing. She felt the walls closing in on her, squeezing her lungs in the process. Silas frowned upon seeing her condition. What was happening to her? When he wanted to reach out and help her, she only flinched away until she hit the bed, muttering 'please don't touch me' in a small panicked voice. He hesitated what to do. When reaching out and touching her evidently wouldn't help, there wasn't exactly a prescription he could follow or medicine he would buy for a cough.

He sat near her on the bed, leaving safe space between their two bodies and tried to focus on slowing her breathing down. "Tatiana, hear what I'm saying. Let's take a deep breath in. One..two...three" He dictated in a low confident voice. She began to listen to his instructions. "You're doing great. Again, together. One..two...three" He basically repeated over and over until her breath slowed down and she was able to grasp back into reality. Her eyes were glossed over from all the panic and suffocation she felt. Then, after a few moments of static silence, she glanced back at him, seeing him still seated in the same position. She let her eyes run on the man in front of her thoroughly for the first time for the day.

She took in his growing stubble that spread out his pink lips. How his nose was the straightest aristocratic nose she'd ever encountered. His eyes, they gleamed black just like her. His shoulders were broadly constructed, indicating the usual visits to the gym. His cheeks were high and prominent, hair black that shined dark brown under the right set of lights. She gulped as he was checking her out too. Running his eyes thoroughly onto her scared face. They both were examining and evaluating the stranger that sat near them.

"Do you get them often?" He finally broke the silence after some time. She knitted her eyebrows "Get what?" She asked, plying with her fingers nervously. " Panic attacks" He answered and her eyes shift from her fingers in her lap to his, sizing him up. After a few moments of shuffling and mentally squirming, she eventually replied "I started getting them often as of lately" Was all her words offered. He wondered what it could've meant? Did she mean she didn't get them until recently? Or she used to and they kind of decreased with time and now they're making a comeback? Most importantly, every panic attack had some trigger, they don't just happen randomly. What was hers? What made her lose it in this situation and react this certain way? Numerous questions plagued his mind, sending his brain into overdrive. What was going on with the girl he called his wife?

"What triggers them, if you don't mind me asking?" He dared ask her. She stared at him hauntingly. His inquisitive eyes ran all over her face but the stubborn girl refused to reveal anything. She only looked ever so dauntingly over to him that it broke his heart how she can hold it all in. "Sorry for asking, I guess if you're ever comfortable enough, you can tell me" He reassured her in a small voice and she didn't know what to make of it. She had trusted his brother on a whim and she was on the receiving end of what got to her. She refused to live the same tragic thing twice. What trust could she grant this stranger when someone she knew with all her heart -at least she used to think she did- did nothing but break her so damn much? What choice did she have other than to never trust anyone again? All she did was nod faintly at him, knowing she'll never tell him or anyone what had happened to her. The air shifted slowly and awkwardly after that, the couple each engrossed deeply in their own thoughts that they forgot the situation they're thrusted into.

She was brought back to reality when his voice came out again "Do you want help with that?" He asked pointing his finger to the puffy dress that stood out in this simplistic room. She stared at it, only now remembering the said dress, the least of her problems at the moment. She shook her head no almost too soon, discarding the whole idea away. He cleared his throat " I promise I'll not do anything. It just looks super uncomfortable, I don't know how you'll manage to sleep with all the ribbons and fabric stabbing through your back" He offers logically and she hates to admit it, but he's right. She slowly nods but the looks of fear shining through her eyes don't evade him.

"I'm just going to unhook these" He states as calmly as possible, talking more to an enraged wounded animal than a person. She nods and turns slightly, giving him access. His hands brush the material slightly, her chest contrasting inconspicuously. She heaved up and down, pulse quickening in her ears. His hands worked lightly, never grazing her skin. He noticed she didn't like it when people touched her, so he refrained from doing so intentionally.

The fabric finally loosened at her chest, signaling it was all off and she gripped it with might and force to hide her naked body beneath. He moved away backwards, giving her her space back "There" He said offering a little smile she ignored and went to change inside the bathroom.

The moment she got in, she double -even triple- checked that the door was locked before sliding the dress away. Her skin came to contact with the chilly air and she scurried away into the shower, rinsing her body with hot water.

That did the trick, efficiently calming her down. A shower always fixed things. She felt lighter, lighter by many years if it made sense and threw her hair up in a ponytail then changed into the sweatpants and large hoodie, covering every inch of her body.