stay with me

Chapter 28

Grey:

I leave Hunter's apartment so I can go and buy some greasy food for him because I have a feeling he's going to need it if he is going to get through his shift tonight. I'm still not sure what they hell he was thinking getting smashed during the day just hours before work but I know whatever it was it wasn't anything good. He seemed tortured whenever he looked at me. That same look returned when I told him I was going to leave to go get food. It was like he was afraid I was going to leave and never come back, like that was even possible after he just kissed me like that. He had no idea how I felt about him. I guess that's my fault because I haven't exactly told him but he should be able to tell. Shouldn't he? I want to tell him how I feel but I feel like before I do that he needs to know the truth. I need to tell him soon. He deserved to know and I trust him.

I go to a couple different places and I pick up some bacon cheeseburgers, fries, tacos, burritos and any other greasy food I can think of. Hunter's probably going to be mad that I just spent so much money on food for him but I don't care and neither should he once I tell him the truth and he finds out how much money I have. It's ridiculous but that was probably one of the scariest parts of telling Hunter the truth. Sure it wouldn't be as gut wrenching as bearing the details of Jason's death but when people found out that I was rich it changed them. Suddenly everyone wanted to be my best friend. Freaking vultures. When I came to school here Sam and I decided to keep the fact that I was rich a secret, no one needed to know. I wanted people to like me for me and not because I was worth millions. I don't think that my having money will matter to Hunter but you never know. It was a scary thought.

When I return about a half hour later Hunter is out of the shower and he looks better than he did when I found him. He looks refreshed and not nearly as groggy as he did when he woke up. I guess the aspirin is working.

"How are you feeling?" I ask as he comes over to help my carry the food.

"Better now" he tells me as he pulls me to him after we put the food down. He wraps his strong arms around me and holds me close to him. I catch the meaning of his words and I blush. He's better because I'm here now. That notion warms my heart and makes me smile.

"Good" I tell him pretending not to understand what he meant. "So I bought you pretty much any greasy food I could think of since I don't know what your hangover food is" I say as I begin unpacking the food.

"Damn Grey, are you planning on feeding an army?" he says smiling wryly at me.

"I may have went a little overboard" I say sheepishly. "Sorry."

"No need to apologize I was only kidding. I appreciate you doing this" he tells me smiling softly at me now. His eyes are a liquid beautiful blue like the water in the Caribbean and I think of what a contrast it is from how solid and hard his eyes were earlier.

He begins helping me unload the food and when he sees the burritos and fries he smiles gratefully at me. "You're amazing" he tells me as he begins eating. "Aren't you going to eat with me?" he asks me after a few moments of me standing there watching him like a weirdo.

"I got it all for you" I tell him. It is true I did buy it all for him but I don't know why I'm being so awkward. Did I honestly believe he was going to eat this all by himself or that he wouldn't insist on sharing with me?

"Don't be silly Grey" he says. "I mean I can eat a lot but I can't put all this food away by myself and besides I insist that you join me."

I roll my eyes playfully at him but I join him without any more protest and it's nice. Moments like this are so easy between us. The conversation flows freely and when neither of us feels like talking we can sit in perfect silence together and it's never awkward. It reminds me of how Jason and I used to be together. That idea is both wonderful and scary to me at the same time. It's wonderful because I never thought that I would find someone to make me feel this way again and it's scary for many different reasons. One of those reasons being that I could lose Hunter too and this time I know it would completely destroy me. I would never recover from another loss like that. I was still recovering from the first one. Another reason is that if I care for Hunter this much than does that mean what Jason and I had wasn't as rare and special as I thought? It couldn't. That idea is too preposterous. Jason meant the world to me.

"What's wrong?" Hunter asks breaking into my thoughts.

"Oh nothing" I tell him trying to brush it off. "I was just spacing out."

"Are you sure?" he asks not buying it. "You looked a little . . . I don't know" he says struggling for the right words. "A little freaked out."

"I'm fine, I promise."

"You know you can talk to me Grey."

"I know" I tell him truthfully. "That goes both ways" I tell him. He smiles weakly at me for using his words against him but I can see in his eyes that he knows he can talk to me. He trusts me too but he's scared. I understand that.

"Grey?" he asks me cautiously and I can tell his next words are going to be hard for me to hear. I brace myself. "Where do you go when you check out like that?"

I know what he means and I pause for a moment deciding whether or not I want to play dumb. While I'm debating he continues. "It's like you go to this other place and I'm afraid one day I'm not going to be able to reach you. You get this far away look in your eyes and sometimes you look happy but other times you look sad or scared." He's worried about me I can hear it in his voice and see it on his face. It scares him when I do that. Truth is most of the time I don't mean to do it. It just happens. My mind just drifts there sometimes but I always come back.

"You don't have to worry about me not coming back. I always do" I explain trying to ease his mind. "I just get lost in my thoughts sometimes and sometimes they are happy thoughts and other times they are sad ones." I don't want to tell him about Jason right now, not like this. Not when he has to leave in thirty minutes. I don't want to rush this. "I promise I'll tell you one day where I go but not like this. Not now when you need to get ready for work, but I promise I'll tell you."

"Ok" he says after a moment of thought. I stand up then and begin cleaning up showing him that I'm done talking about this for right now. He helps me clean up and then he gets ready for work and walks me home before he goes. When he kisses me goodbye I know in my mind and in my heart that I can't keep the truth from him much longer.