There was never a truth that left your lips
Besides the self-loathing bait when I was in need
Your struggle is one that will always exist
Whereas you still violate my closed eyes and my dreams
Your plight is sad but I speak with no empathy
Your mind twisted into that of something less-human
Your chest seemingly vacant of any loving ability
You still harbor ambivalence toward what you hid
Off of your shoulders and onto mine
Knowing we cannot change the past
You're gone yet still forever entwined
Inside the maze in my head you built with broken glass
The twists and the turns leave me cut
In ways I had not yet experienced
Pushing me down and into the mud
Toying with me like an experiment
There wasn't a right to do these misdeeds
The bruises are gone but the scars always remind
A ragdoll in the arms of a sinister Hercules
They mark me yours and bring me back to that time
You turned all of my colors black
Yet left my skin blue and green
You're gone, but leave post traumatic attacks
I long for a way to escape this scene
Still ravaging my heart and mind
I just want to be left alone
Still defacing what is mine
I want you out of my home
You brought this upon yourself
Nobody made you do it
Now as you prepare for hell
No one's there to see you through it
It's not fair that you're still in my head
You don't deserve the time
Down the hall and under my bed
I hear the floorboards whine
So I take another sip of wine
As I try to blur the horrors
A censorship for my ailing mind
And try to stuff you in the corner
I still hear your booming voice
And still feel your large, long arms
I used to think of these things with joy
Now it sets off the alarms
I wake and I hear our song
I used to bask in the thought of you
Now I boil, torture prolonged
And see it was not a pretty tune
The fire! It catches and spreads
Through my door, down the hall
Into my room, into my head!
Aggressively tearing down walls
Sometimes I cannot run
Nor hobble, nor crawl, nor cry
It pins me to the couch, the floor
While all I can wonder is "Why?"
What was the end game?
What was your motive?
Was it to kill or rape,
Or just to leave me hopeless?
I can still play, and laugh
While I'm screaming through the flames
I can have fun and be daft
But I will never be the same
