Your memory is not your voice
I just see video recordings
strung together
like a silent movie, but in color
It's not a choice
but something I'm avoiding
Can't escape, not even when
I'm with my lover
I can't really say I'm helpless
but sometimes, I really can't help it
I didn't mean to drink this much
I'm not careless, just reckless
I don't want to stay in touch
I just want to stay away
Don't ruin my silence,
pour me more Chardonnay
to drown out the picture
Dissolve each frame
From-the-vine so that I
Can forget how it plays
I fall into puddles
and down rabbit holes
If I can't catch myself,
I lose my way home
Can't sleep through the night
It's not the horror movies
nor shadows in the corner of my eye
that give me a fright
There's a chill down my spine
and a need to always look over
my shoulder
even though I'm alone here
I can feel it right on my heels
I feel I'm only pretending to heal
Always waiting for the moment
my nightmares become real
I can't remember your voice
but I still see you
in everything
that's grandeur and blue
I turn off the light
and it instantly appears
This haunting that I'm living with
has become my greatest fear
I try to run, to disappear
but it finds me, every time
I hope it doesn't last a lifetime
I'm barely afloat, but my heads above water
"So I guess I'll be fine."
