You Make It Easy

Peace of Mind.

Maya~

"Where do we start?" I ask quietly as we sit on opposite sides of my couch.

"I don't know."

We will get nowhere if neither of us knows where to start. I guess I'll ask my dying question. "What would we have done if it was viable?"

He sighs, "I'm not going to lie and tell you that I would be happy. I know I would have a bunch of questions. It couldn't have happened at a worse time."

"I regret telling you that everything between us was a mistake. I know it wasn't."

He nods, "Would you have told me?"

"About what?"

"If the pregnancy was viable and you put the pieces together, would you have told me?"

"I think I would've wanted to but I'd be too scared of your reaction."

"That I'd be mad?"

"That you wouldn't believe me. That you would've felt like I was trying to trap you into some weird relationship."

"I mean, it did cross my mind, not the trapping, that never crossed my mind. But after Bridget called me and explained everything, I knew I should believe you. I knew you weren't sleeping around or anything like that. It probably would've taken me a little bit to come around to the idea. But knowing that's my kid, I wouldn't have left you alone. I would've been there for everything regardless if you wanted me there or not."

That brings me peace of mind. It's crazy to think we would've had a kid together. I've known him for just over a year and it still boggles my mind that we even know each other.

"Do you still feel the same way?"

He slowly nods, "I do but I know you don't."

"It's not that I don't, I just trained my brain to not cross a boundary and when we did, I didn't want to end up hurt."

"Is that what this stems from?"

"Yeah."

"How do I go about this then? How do we make this better? I've told you before and I'll tell you again, you mean too much to me and I don't want to ruin that."

"I know. However, I'm still working through a lot. I don't believe you would disrupt that but I can't commit to something just yet. I don't know if that's going to deter you."

"It's not."

"You say that so confidently."

He shrugs, "I'm a confident man."

I smile. Clearly. "So what does this mean?"

"I think you have to make that decision. You know your limits. I don't want to push you further than those limits."

"I can work with that."

"Look at us, talking it out."

"It's a miracle."

"Are you an anxious person?" Abby asks me as I stand at the floor-to-ceiling window in her office.

I turn to her, looking away from the incoming storm, "I don't think so. Why? Do you think so?"

"I think you have anxious tendencies."

"Like what?"

"Well, this is the first time you've stood at the window. You haven't said anything. I think your mind is running one hundred miles an hour right now. You keep pulling at your fingers trying to crack them."