umbrella { sunjay }

28.

song recommendation: we can't be friends -ariana grande

sunoo decided to catch up on some work he may have missed out on since he had been feeling out of it for a while. eunjoo played with her toy kitchen like she was the top chef of the finest restaurant.

he decided to stop feeling sorry for himself. it hit him suddenly and abruptly. he had to acknowledge what was actually happening in order to stop himself from shutting down.

he had to try to understand himself in order to pull himself out of this feeling. the night before, he sat at the table and poured himself his most expensive wine.

as he sat there, his thoughts were far from organized as he tried to puzzle them together. there was no more denying he felt something for his older friend. 

how could he not. jongseong seemed so far from perfect but so flawless. the time they had spent together as friends made his heart ache for more. 

sunoo attempted to push these thoughts and feelings away and out his mind for as long as possible. that was no longer possible as time went on. the attraction and magnetic field towards the other was too pulling and he knew he would break his own heart.

the sound of sunoo's ring tone blared through the living room, causing him to flinch from his daydream. after setting down his laptop, he grabbed the device that sat on the cushion next to him.

his heart dropped to the pit of his stomach as he read the contact id. 

"hello?" he answered quietly, not wanting to interrupt eunjoo from her confrontation with her kitchen staff (her teddy bear).

"sunoo..." the other voice on the line sounded almost breathless as he said his name.

sunoo didn't respond. he let the silence carry on until the latter spoke again. "can i come see you? i have a lot to say..." 

sunoo closed his eyes. just hearing the older's voice automatically brought some figure of weight off his shoulders. he failed to respond once again. the sounds of jongseong's shallow breaths were the only thing heard between the call.

"okay." he finally allowed the words to travel from his brain and out his mouth. it had never been this hard to say something so simple.

"i'll be there in ten minutes." this time, the older didn't give sunoo the time to reply. the phone had beeped and the screen went blank.

the man rested his forearms onto his thighs and sighed. he had an idea of what jay wanted to discuss. his interaction with sena was enough of a clue for him.

"mr. park is going to come over in a bit, honey." sunoo called out to eunjoo who's eyes lit up. she hadn't seen jongseong in a while so she couldn't help to be excited. "yay!" the girl had grown fond of the older male and thought he was fun to be around.

just as jongseong stated, ten minutes had passed and there was a ring at the door. sunoo stood to his feet and they began to feel heavier with every step. bags full of sand pulling him down as he put one foot in front of the other.

once the door was ajar, he swallowed the saliva that accumulated within the walls of his mouth. he forgot proper etiquette as he crossed his vision through the male's sharp features. he no longer had the thin-wired silver glasses that rested upon the bridge of his perfectly angled nose. it was nothing between his tender gaze and kim sunoo's lost one.

sunoo snapped out of his daze and moved aside for jongseong to enter. as he stepped into the house, they heard little footsteps turning the corner and a big dimpled smile accompanying it.

the older of the two squatted down to the girl's level as she gave him a warm hug that he welcomed with open arms.

sunoo's lips tugged upwards at the sight. it was sweet knowing that eunjoo liked someone outside of their family this much. she was a very social girl but she could be shy at times.

"how have you been, eunjoo-ah?" jay's sweet tone could melt the heart of the masses. sunoo included.

"good! do you want to play with me?" she gave her biggest smile in hopes of persuasion. she needed someone else to scold about their cooking skills because her bear was too sensitive for her liking. 

"i would love too, but right now i have to talk to your dad. could we reschedule?"

sunoo let out a chortle at jongseong's words. he spoke to the girl like it was an important meeting that he needed to raincheck for. 

eunjoo gave a thumbs up and nodded. "yes. okay bye." she agreed and turned around to run back into the living room to continue her previous endeavors. 

"she's a funny girl." jay stood back up to his feet and turned towards sunoo who gave a tight lipped grin. "yeah, she is." his smile didn't quite reach his eyes though. jay could tell.

"should we..." the older trailed off and sunoo silently agreed, leading the way towards his bedroom.

after sunoo shut the door behind them, the atmosphere became heavy once again. sunoo sat down on the end of the bed and waited for jay to follow his actions. 

once the two of them were seated, sunoo fiddled with the end of his t-shirt between his fingers.

"first of all, i want to apologize." jay angled his body so he was able to face sunoo better. he wanted the younger to know he was sincere in his words. he always has been with him. "there's no excuse as to why i haven't contacted you since that morning. i know i've been a shitty friend."

'friend'. that word looped in sunoo's brain as jay's lips moved and words came out. right, he needed to be reminded of what they were to one another.

"it's not an excuse but, i didn't want to loop you into the mess my life is in."

"you've never been a mess to me." 

sunoo's eyes followed as jay's head bowed slightly and his eyes fell to the floor in thought. it's true. no matter how many times he's heard the sound of jongseong's heart break, it would still be the most breathtaking melody he had ever heard.

"me and sena agreed to get a divorce when you left that morning." jay lifted his head and he saw a look of confusion spread across the younger's face. 

"but..." this was the hard part of the conversation. the reason he asked to see sunoo. but the words were lodged into his throat and felt like they needed to be cut out to be released.

"but?" sunoo had an inkling of what was coming next. he wanted to believe he was wrong.

"then, she-" jongseong started once again, and stopped once again. he couldn't understand why it was so hard for him to tell sunoo; his friend, the person he's confined in and poured his heart and soul to on multiple occasions.

"she told me we're having a baby." his voice went quieter than before. like he was afraid of what came from his own mouth.

and for some reason, hearing those words from jongseong himself, cut deeper into sunoo than the sharpest of swords. 

their eyes refused to rip away from each other. jay didn't quite grasp why he felt like he was suffocating. the longer he stared into the honey brown irises, the longer he felt like this was wrong. 

it was wrong for him to tell the other he was having a child. even though that's all he's wanted, everything felt so out of order. 

he watched water fill sunoo's eyes and he watched himself fall apart. 

"i'm happy for you." sunoo pretended to smile. it wasn't the same smile that could light up every corner of the world. it wasn't the same smile that could cure every illness in someone's body. it was a façade that anyone could see through, including jongseong.

"thank you, sunoo." jongseong was the mirror.

❀

😓