give her love » james potter

21

I love Rachels's house.

This is only my fifth time being in it, but I feel like I could spend my entire life in it and not love it any less.

There are many reasons why I love it, but I'll give the main factors. Firstly, it smells like a breath of fresh air, which might have to do with it having thousands of windows and that it's in the middle of nowhere. Then, there's the decor, it's filled with fancy antique paintings and sculptures and books, which makes me feel like I'm almost transported into some other world. There's this feeling of history and money that seeps out of everything. But mostly I love her parents.

They're both so kind and they really love both of their kids a lot. Her dad's visiting her brother in Canada for a few days, so currently it's just her mother here.

Jane in the past hour has sat me down and drank ten liters of tea, while she listens to Rachel and I talk about our Hogwarts life.

"So you are currently being a single woman," she asks me.

I nod. "Yeah, not that it's completely my choice," my shoulders slump a little, "I can't even remember the last time a boy showed any interest in me."

She narrows her deep blue eyes, staring at me. "Well, I don't see why they're doing that. You're gorgeous! That nice olive skin from the Italian in you. Those lovely brown eyes." She moves over to me and pinches my cheeks lightly, "You're such a little sweetheart too!"

"Thank you," I say, getting red. "But it's fine, I don't really care that much."

"It's ok if you do, too."

"I guess so."

My words build up a small wall between us and she backs away, moving her attention back to Rachel.

"Walburga is horrid," she mutters.

Rachel nods. "I know."

"Her husbands not too bad," she says quietly, then frowns. "But that family is absolutely no good, the more I get to know them, the worse they get. I know, I said that we'd go and--"

"I know all of this, Mum."

They're basically the same person. Rachel and Jane. Sometimes, I think they're constant fights are because of how similar they are.

Both of them care. They both care so much about everyone and everything, which makes them a little blind to anything else. Her mum's looking out for her, but Rachel thinks she's just being moody and controlling. Rachel just wants to help Regulus, but her mother thinks she's being a little reckless and stubborn.

But it's easier for me to see all these things. I'm an outsider, I'm not actually experiencing anything that's going on.

There are probably things in my life that I'm clueless too.

Later, I go into the guest bedroom which is where I'll be sleeping for the new two weeks. I unpack my clothes and I just start to miss my own room so much. I miss the posters on my walls, especially the one of George Harrison. I miss the rug my dad had gotten me while on a trip to India. I miss my record player and all the songs that are sitting beside it.

My room was basically a part of me. I'd spent my whole life in there basically, missing it was eventual, but right now it hits me hard.

It's not like I don't want to go back there because there's a large part of me that does. But, I'm scared. It's not some simple fear like ghosts or anything, it's a million things that are piled on top that won't let me even reach for the key. The key that sits in my suitcase and has continued to sit in there since the school year started.

It wouldn't feel right, I tell myself, at least not yet. I have the rest of my life to reach for that key.

So I continue to organize my belongings when Rachel finally walks in. She's holding a letter in her hands, one that's definitely not hers, Rachel would've torn it open already. "James wrote to you already," she says, handing it to me. "He really does like you."

"We're pretty close friends," I mumble, opening the letter.

"Ahh yes, good friends."

Dear Pierce,

So, to just clarify, the party is a New Years' thing. You know, celebrate the New Year and stuff? So it'll be a little late.

Well, you've probably come to that conclusion already. New Years. Twelve O'Clock. 

I'm already regretting writing this. I feel dumb. This whole thing seems dumb. (Sirius has just read this and agrees it's very dumb) But my mum wanted to make sure you knew, she wasn't sure if muggles celebrated it in a different way. She doesn't mean it in a rude way, she just doesn't have any muggle-born friends really, and I don't either. Peter and Remus are Half-Blood's, but I forgot to ask them on the train and uh--

I also don't know how to write letters?? This is probably terrible.

I just write what I think. So there's no room for sense or editing.

That's it.

See you that day. (That day is December 31, just to clarify once again. Come around supper time perhaps? Or whenever you'd like.)

This is from James, just so you know.

I finish the letter, blinking and rereading certain things.

"God," Rachel says, from above my shoulder. "A simple, the party is on December 31 and please come around supper time, would've been good. He really is bad at letters."

"He tried," I say.

She nods at that, then sits down on my bed, resting her head on her palms. "Why don't you invite him to your uncles? You need footage for your film and he'd get to experience something new."

Then he'd see everything I used to be. The version of myself that only existed when I'd go home. Someone who used to live so much in the summer and breaks because during school she was basically dead.

I think I'm scared that he'll hear about that version and not like this one at all.

But, Rachel's right. She always is. Bringing him is a good idea and I know he'd be excited to go. So, I decide not to be selfish, I'd invite him and let him see all these things even though I'm terrified of the thought.

"I'll do that," I say to her.

authors note

going to be honest with you, this was painful to write. any motivation i have ceased to exist after the first few sentences. so it's not the most interesting or fun thing ever, but, the next chapter makes up for all of it ;) 

so just believe in me a little.