The Cheerleader's Side Piece

Crying(4)

Running down the sidewalk to my house, I hold my binder over my head to keep the rain off of me. The weather is so weird here. It's constantly changing. Almost ninety degrees earlier and now it's pouring! Getting up the steps, I finally let out a sigh of relief. It just had to rain... it's not a normal day without some form of misery.

"Ani," I heard from beside me. My hands remained on the door, about to push it open after sticking my key into it. My eyes hadn't shifted over to see her just yet... I was just so... I don't know. She moved closer, slow and steady. It didn't seem like she was angry... nor did she seem like her usual self... she seemed... numb. Her hand landed on top of mine, twisting the knob and pushing the door open. Neither of us moved to go inside... inside my house... alone. Knowing what occurred not too long ago was what confined me... is what made me still. "You should go inside Ani... you're soaked."

As if she was controlling me, my legs moved forward. Moving like a machine I went into the living space, hearing her shut the door and lock it. Unsure what to do, I go into the kitchen and pull out whatever to make dinner. A part of me thought that if I do something... anything to occupy myself, she won't attack me. She won't freak out so badly. Hearing her come over, my back straighten and my jaw tightened. I wanted her away, even if it was just for a second. Stumbling over my thoughts, my mouth came up with an excuse, "You should change... you seemed cold... you should go change."

"You're soaked Ani," she said back, moving behind me, "you should go change... I'll take care of this."

"I should make something," I whispered, "you are probably hungry and it won't take long-" "Go change Ani," she ordered, halting my every movement. Placing everything onto the counter and I slowly turn around. Her hair was damp, her clothes soaked... just like mine. She was in her cheer uniform except her hair wasn't how it was this morning and she had sweats on to cover the short skirt. She pushed passed me, taking up what I left off. My eyes remained on her. She was different. I could sense anything from her. It's like her emotions had been wiped clean. I was nervous... confused. This morning she displayed a film of feelings but now... it's as if she was blank on the inside. "Go change Ani," she finally met my eyes, giving me a forced little smile, "I can handle this."

She turned back to do the work, leaving me paralyzed. I finally found something.. some form of emotion from her and I was... devastated. Going up the stairs, I clutched onto the railing with every step. Her eyes... that stupid smile... what was wrong? What had happened after this morning?

I took a little shower then changed in my pjs. A set of pink fluffy sweater and pants. My hair braided back and my bunny slippers on my feet, I stare at myself in the reflection. Her face played around in my head... floated around and disturbed all my other thoughts. I didn't want to go downstairs... going down there I would have to face that face again... that brokenness. Moving to my closet I pull out one of her hoodies she'd left once, a new pair of sweats and some underwear for her to wear. Going down the stairs, I see her standing at the backdoor, watching the rain.

Standing behind her, a few feet between us, I saw a bit of the Cassie I knew she always was. The kind... beautifully kind Cassie. If only I could reach deep within her and pull her to the front and never let that Cassie go... I would within a heartbeat. Setting the clothes onto the table, I said, "Here's some clothes... go change."

She took the clothes into her arms, walking to the bathroom. As she went out, I went over to the stove to see she made the meatball soup I taught her when we were in our Freshmen year. Taking a soup to it, I take a sip and drops of tears fell into it. Holding onto the counter, my body shakes... trembles as I try my hardest to conceal my cries. Everything was too much... everything...

Picking up the thing closest to me, I chuck it at the wall. One by one I pick something up, chucking it at the walls and everything around me. An arm wrapped around my waist and another gripped my arm that held a pot. "Ani! Ani stop! Stop it Ani!" She shouted, hugging me close to her. The pot slipped from my hands as my body crumbled. She wrapped her arms around me and cried with me, yelling, "I'm so sorry Ani... I'm so sorry... I'm sorry... I never meant to hurt you like this... I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

I just cried.

Not accepting the apology nor ignoring it.

I just cried.