The Cheerleader's Side Piece

A Wedding(10)

The chiming of bells and cheer was echoing off the walls.  Seated in the back, I just smile and clap as I watch her kiss her now husband.  Back in London, I met a girl named Ann who was engaged to her high school sweetheart.  Finally they set a date and I've flown back to see the ceremony.  They walked down the aisle, getting hugs and praise from people I didn't know.  Pulling out my phone, I click onto Instagram and see Cassie sent me a picture of her eating pancakes. 

"Can all guests please move to the wine room for the reception!" The host announces.  I gather my things and start to head towards the wine room when Ann called to me.

"Antonia!  Wait!" She runs up holding her white dress in clumps.  I was scared she was gonna fall so I move a bit to her.  "I'm so happy you could make it!" She pulls me into a hug, but I manage to make it a side one.  I've developed this habit ever since I've gotten back with Cassie.  She voiced her jealousy and I have found she feels at ease when I do side hugs.  Ann retracts with a big smile on her face, "You must take some photos!  You're the reason I am who I am!"  Being one of the leading psychiatrist in London and some how she puts her fame on me.  "Come!" She drags me to the open field where her family is at.  I watch as the people line up and smile, laughing and crackling.

A message comes through on my phone from Cassie: Make sure you wear the scarf I made you!  It's good there! One of her many hobbies is knitting.  She needed something she could focus on and see the progress of her work.  A visual person is what she is.  Holding my phone up slightly, I take a picture of me with the scarf and send it.

"Antonia!" I walk over and get into a pose.  Ann mutters to me, "Remember back in Uni when we were learning about the personality disorders?"

"Yes," I whispered back, watching the flash come from the camera and hear the nose echo, "what about it?"

"Thank you," she mumbled back.  I looked at her puzzled but she just giggled and hit my shoulder, "When we left the hall, I remember telling you how people with BPD and other illness sounded like monsters.  How they seemed like psychos who end up murdering everyone."

"Uh huh?"

"Do you remember what you said to me?" She asked.

Vividly the memory played in my head.  It was barely winter but it had begun to snow already.  It was freezing outside so I was covered from head to toe in clothes.  I had finished my fourth lecture of the day and was going to the study hall to work out some problems.  Ann was rambling about the class' discussion, soon saying the words she mentioned before.

I remember feeling angry.

'Have you ever met someone with BPD?' I felt the need to spit at her, to mock her and push her away.  The ignorance was what was eating me alive.

'Of course not!  I could never!  They'd scare me so bad!' She chuckled, but I found her statement to be offensive.

'It's hell,' I replied, clutching my books to my chest, 'one day they seem fine, normal even.  They'll look at you fine, smile at you fine, speak to you fine... but then something could trigger them... something random that just clicks a nerve and there they go.  Instantly they could be filled with anger and since they have no ability to comprehend their emotions or don't know what to do with them, they may become violent.  Striking you, throwing things and charging.  Or maybe they become violent with themselves.  Burning themselves, cutting, stabbing, skinning, or just full blown suicide attempt... it's terrifying but not about what they could do to you, but what they could do in general.  It's painful to watch... because you're helpless.  You can only speak to them, try to calm them down and lead them correctly but that doesn't always work.  It fucking scares you cause in an instant you could lose the person you love the most.... and you were there but couldn't do a damn thing.'

It was a memory that never crossed my mind.  Something simple and maybe ten minutes long.  It's not like I'm around Ann enough to relive it now.  My time is spent on work and Cassie.  Nothing else to fit into my schedule.  Ann however dwelled on it obviously, "That remark you made... I was able to help my cousin.  He suffers from DID and I've been guiding him through the stages.  He was so paranoid, suicidal and lonely... I immediately remembered your words when I encountered him for the first time.  Now he has a good hand on it, can relax himself well and do things correctly, but that's all because of you."

I felt this sort of shock at first.  I was numb, completely dazed.  I stopped breathing for a moment and my heart moved slowly but soon I regained myself and nodded, "I'm happy you could help him."

The rest of the evening was fine.  The groom and bride danced, they partied and drank.  I left early so I wouldn't be pulled into any drinking gatherings.  Back at the hotel I swiped through pictures and pictures of Cassie.  It's been over a year now since she's woken up.  Pictures of her first walking, of her reading and writing.  Pictures of her eating ice cream and staring out windows.  I couldn't wait to fly home, I couldn't wait to see her again. 

Loving her meant more to me than anything... and maybe it meant more to her than life.