Secret Red

Chapter 43

Chapter 43

"Can you explain this?" Jason asked holding out the similar photo that was pasted on her locker door earlier. His voice was filled with despondency.

"I wish I could but it is what it is." She replied flatly.

"So, it's true then? You're not denying any of it?"

"What do you want me to say? The picture is not photoshop. It's obviously me with him. That's the real me."

"Tramp with one of your lovers?" He asked in disbelief.

"One of the few nicknames I was known for. I never liked being called that." She shrugged without any remorse.

"That's why you tried to change who you were." He concluded, putting the puzzle together.

"Why were you with him again two days ago?"

"He wanted to see me and I... missed him." She looked anywhere but him.

"Finally, you're not denying it anymore. I knew you're hiding something. I really thought you were different." He scoffed in disbelief.

"Don't compare me to Sera. I never liked being compared to her, Jason. And you're not telling me the whole truth about it either do you?"

"Seriously, you're bringing it up now? You're trying to turn the table now?"

"You weren't being fully honest with me either, Jason. Cole said something to me." She added, genuinely wanting to know, since it had bothered her ever since Cole mentioned it.

"You're unbelievable. Having that guy in this conversation is not enough that you need to bring Cole into this as well, huh? You really wanted the attention that badly from every single guy?" He was incensed by the mere mention of his name.

"Cole told me everything about you and Sera, it's disgusting how you humiliated her! You're so much worse than I thought. To be completely honest, yes, Cole and I were seeing each other and we did kiss, a few times. Sorry." She said with a drop of sarcasm in her voice.

"I should applaud you, I really thought you were different." He said defeated, staring one last time at the beautiful yet cold ocean blue eyes before walking away from her. Once he was out of sight, she walked to the empty carpark towards her car, opened the door with trembling hands and finally lets herself broke down.

I had to do it. It's easier if you just hate me. I'm sorry I was selfish wanting your comfort, your attention, your strength. It was selfish of me to lean on you. You deserve so much better. You don't have to deal with all my dark secrets, all my unnecessary problems, with my anxieties, with my past, with a broken girl like me. I really don't deserve you.

She realized that she was hurting him more than she realized with her secrets and it would be selfish of her to keep him with her troubled past. Moreover, she will not be able to cope with him hating her when he found out what she actually did in her past.

How could I be so selfish? I'm hurting him all the while with all the lies, he doesn't deserve to be kept in the dark in this relationship, I see that now. I'm sorry for hurting you one last time. It'll be easier for you to move on. Or am I just being selfish wanting you to hate me now rather than when you knew what I truly am. You deserve someone better than me, someone without any complicated baggage. What is wrong with me? Why do I keep on hurting the people that care for me? Leah... Liam... Jason...

It has been a few days since Jason and Alison stopped talking to each other and their friends had noticed.

"Did you guys break up or something? What happened? Does it have something to do with the pictures? Jason should know better than to believe that prank." Layla exasperated, irritated that her two best friends were avoiding each other.

"We did and... You can't blame him. It was truly me in the picture." She said ruefully, trying to focus on her original goal which was to focus on her studies and finish high school.

"It was? What happened, Al? But I am sure there is an explanation to it all." She finally asked looking at her friend.

"That's me, alright. Just needed a wardrobe change." She joked sarcastically.

"Alison, you know sometimes... it's better to share some of your burden than letting it pile up. Someday when it's too much, by then it might be too overwhelming to handle it by yourself." She placed her hand on hers, gently squeezing it.

"Thanks, but I'm fine." She lied looking at her friend with bags under her eyes due to the lack of sleep and the excessive crying.

"You know what we should do? Go to the party this weekend!" Zoe squealed enthusiastically.

"That would be the last thing on my list, Zoe. But thanks." She answered honestly.

"Come on, you helped me go through with that jerk, this is the least that I could do for you."

"Thank you but you could just let me pass on the partying, I'd be grateful." She added, closing her locker getting ready to go for her next class, although she dreaded going to the class knowing that Jason would be there. They walked until the end of the corner where Alison was forced to walk alone into the dreaded class.

"Newbie!" Corey called out which made Alison thank the heavens for her knight in shining armor.

"Hey Corey. Walk with me?"

"Anything for you. You both still not talking, huh?" He asked, concerned.

"Nope, but I think... it's for the best." She gave a sad smile to him while he placed an arm over her shoulder giving her support.

"I'm fine, Corndog." She teased, giving him a soft smile while trying to hold the tear from falling.

"You'll still be coming to the game this Friday, right?" He asked.

"Of course, how can I miss the chance to see you score a touchdown for the first time, like ever." She joked earning a soft punch on her shoulder making them both to chuckle. Reaching the destined class, she walked through the open door, scanning the room to see that he was not yet in the room. She let out a relieved sigh and sat on her table with Corey sitting beside her. As each person enter the room, Alison had to hold her breath, worried that it might be him. Then, she saw Shane walking in the class and she tensed when she saw Jason walking in right behind him. His eyes were locked to hers for a split second before breaking away, walked passed her, sat right behind her, pretended that she did not even exist. Shane walked pass Alison with a simple nod before taking his seat beside the cold, emotionless Jason.

The class finally ended after it felt like an eternity of sitting awkwardly, not knowing how to behave with him sitting closely behind her. Just a step away from touching him again, holding his hands, looking at his smile that always brighten her day. Instead, it was replaced with a cold stare, hate radiating from him and it was all directed towards her. How she missed him, how she hated herself for hurting him. Jason wasted no time walking out of the class with Shane not far behind him once the teacher dismissed their class, making her let out a long sigh. They had been avoiding each other for the rest of the week until it was the night of the game.

"Mom, I'll be going to the game tonight with Zoe and Layla. Don't wait up." She kissed her mother on the cheeks.

"I haven't seen Jason lately. Are you guys alright?" She questioned.

"We uh... we're not together anymore." She replied simply.

"What? I always thought you two were happy together. What happened?" Her mother asked in concern.

"Just... not together."

"Oh, Ally-dear. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. If it's not, then it's not. I just hope that you're not pushing him away on purpose. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I've lost a life time best friend, what's losing a boyfriend of a few months." She shrugged.

"Alison..." "I got to go. Bye mom." She quickly cut her mother before she started ranting the list of familiar advices to her.

Zoe picked Alison from her home and they went to watch the game together with Layla, Rob and Loraine. Seeing him in the fields made her heart clenched, knowing that she really missed him terribly.