Crowns & Chaos

twenty-five

We all piled into Ron's car and set off. My brain was a little fuzzy from the alcohol, but overall I felt great. Adriana was here and I was so happy to see her, and I was pretty sure she'd been making out with Alec, but that was a problem for another day. We drove home, laughing and listening to Lillian belt out the words to an old Taylor Swift song. I let myself bask in the feeling of friendship for a moment before reminding myself of the very important fact that Peter and I's contract was going to be ending soon, and I was far too attached to these people already.

More important were my developing feelings for Peter, the ones that were getting harder and harder to push down, especially with his hand on my knee in the car and my vague state of intoxication. Every time he smiled or laughed or quirked his eyebrow when he focused I realized how far in over my head I really was. I had noticed too many things, put away too many little details about this boy that I was not supposed to fall in love with deep in my heart.

We all walked into Lillian's room as I jammed my feelings down, determined not to let them confuse my birthday fun. The night drew on, all of us playing various drinking games and just hanging out. When Lillian and Adriana had both passed out asleep, Peter called it a night.

He and Alec both slept on the couches while I curled up next to Adriana on Lillian's massive bed.

What felt like seconds later, but had actually been a few hours, I woke up with a pulsating headache and a tongue like sandpaper. I stumbled to the washroom and drank a full glass of water, sighing in relief. I glanced at myself in the mirror and tried not to laugh.

My hair was a wavy mess, tumbling all over the place, and I had a good amount of mascara under my eyes. I rubbed at it with some soap and water until I felt a little better. Realizing I was still in my party dress but also having nothing else to put on, I snuck over to the balcony outside Lillian's room.

The sun was just barely breaking the horizon as I stepped out into the fresh morning air. A few stars still blinked feebly at me, but the sky was beginning to lighten into dawn. I perched on a couch, staring out at the sprawling gardens. My heart felt sick, despite the fun I'd just had.

I was falling for Peter.

There was no easy way around it, no hiding and trying to rationalize the feelings. I wanted to punch myself, to slap myself awake and scream in my own ears that the relationship was fake, designed for appearances only, and maybe we'd become friends, but our contract was up in less than a month and then we'd probably only see each other when absolutely necessary.

I dropped my head in my hands, trying to quell the nausea that seemed determined to rise.

"Hey."

I jerked up and turned around, seeing Peter leaning against the doorframe.

"Hey," I whispered.

He closed the door gently behind him and sat down next to me quietly.

"Couldn't sleep?"

I shook my head.

"Me neither," he replied, not meeting my eyes.

We sat in comfortable silence, looking out across the estate. I tried to focus on something, anything, other than our proximity and the painful hammering of my heart.

He looked over at me with a soft but indiscernible look in his eyes.

"Did you have a good birthday?"

I nodded mutely, frozen by his gaze.

My body seemed to freeze, rooted to the couch as I stared into his eyes. Of its accord, my torso started leaning, pulled by some irresistible force. My eyes were fluttering shut and Oh god-

His lips pressed against mine and a million fireworks erupted in my stomach. This was everything I'd been trying to avoid for weeks, but my heart was flying and my hands found his hair and it just felt so right. There were no cameras, no performances, this was me and him, somehow anchored together in all the ways we weren't supposed to be and I was home.

A million blissful moments later, I came to my senses, wrenching myself backwards with wide eyes.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"Evangeline-"

"No, I'm just gonna-"

"Evangeline wait-"

But I was gone, flying back through the doors, tears stinging my eyes.

"Adri, it's time to go," I said, shaking her awake.

Peter was back in the room now, trying to stop me.

"Evangeline- Evie, wait-"

I grabbed a sleepy Adriana and hauled her towards the door.

"I'm so sorry, truly," I said, opening the door and shutting it behind me.

We rushed to the car, Adriana practically still asleep on my shoulder as I choked back the sob threatening to erupt from my throat.

I can't believe I kissed him. Now everything was going to be weird and awkward and I should have known that this was all for show for him even though in my weird fantasy world I'd almost convinced myself that maybe he felt the same way.

Ron, thankfully, didn't ask questions when we appeared and I begged him to take me home.

Peter appeared on the steps and my phone rang a few times nonstop as he tried to get me to stop, probably so he could yell at me for reading the signs so wrong.

We pulled up to the house and I put Adriana back to bed on the couch before curling up in my own bed. I finally let the tears fall, cursing my own foolishness and cursing alcohol for making me do something so stupid.

He probably hated me now, which meant I wasn't gonna see Alec or Lillian any time soon either. I glared at the ceiling, ignoring my still buzzing cellphone.

"Fuck," I muttered.